Q: I’m a public elementary school teacher in Maryland, and I am burnt out. We’re talking “crispy around the edges” burnt out. I’m so tired of working in a system that prioritizes the needs of misbehaving kids and disrespectful parents over the needs of the vast majority of students and their families. I have wanted to quit all year, but I’ve felt too guilty to leave my students (and colleagues, who I know would have to cover for me until they somehow found a sub mid-year). To deal with feeling stuck, I started to apply out. I unexpectedly landed the perfect “escape hatch” much faster than expected, and that’s making it much, much harder to stay put. Especially since I know I’ll leave at the end of the school year no matter what.
Much to my surprise, the first organization I interviewed with offered me a job. A GREAT job at a nonprofit that’s closer to my home. I will get paid more and be treated like a professional, or at minimum get to use the restroom whenever I want, and I will likely have much more energy left for my own family. I can think of a million and one reasons to leave my teaching job, but I worry that I’m not thinking clearly. Can you play devil’s advocate and convince me that I shouldn’t quit mid-year? I at least want to be thoughtful, especially since this would involve acting out of character. I usually stick with obligations until the bitter end. Thank you.
A: No one can decide for you, but I can help you take a deeper dive. I’ll first reiterate the two reasons you provided. You don’t want to leave your students and colleagues in the lurch mid-year, and you recognize that leaving would be out of sync with your values. Explore both of those reasons in depth. You may need to give yourself some emotional distance. Ask yourself questions such as: “How do I think I’ll feel about this decision in five weeks, five months, or five years?” and “How would I advise a colleague in the same situation?” Or try imagining you’re in a hot air balloon looking down on the scenario. What do you think is likely to happen after you leave? How would it impact your students or your relationships with your colleagues? Would it damage your own self-concept?
Try to think more expansively about your options, too. For instance, if you stay at your school, is it possible you’d eventually land another job as good as this one without having to bail on your current commitment? If you knew that would happen, would it impact your decision? Can you recall another time when you were offered an opportunity but took a pass because it would leave others in the lurch? Do you have any regrets about that choice now? Alternatively, can you think of a time when someone left you in the lurch? How did that impact your impression of them? Would it bother you if others felt that way about you?
Since you asked me to play devil’s advocate, I’ll also point out that if you break your contract, you might get blackballed for a stretch of time from teaching jobs in your district or region. You could even lose your teaching license. While that may seem inconsequential at the moment, you might feel differently later. Whether or not that argument sways you, at least make sure you’ve considered the middle ground before quitting. For example, could you take a short-term leave of absence rather than quit mid-year altogether? Or temporarily reduce your schedule and duties or stop doing “extras”? Have you had any conversations with your principal about your exhaustion or desire to quit? Have you spoken to the nonprofit that offered you the job? Is there any possibility the organization anticipates listing a similar position in several months, when the timing would be better? Would continuing to apply to other jobs help you in the meantime? Last, beyond writing an anonymous letter to a columnist, have you discussed your dilemma with trusted friends and/or a licensed counselor? Once you’ve assessed all the variables – including your own well-being (or lack thereof) – I think you’ll feel better equipped to make a clear-headed decision.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
