Q: I’m a teacher and pretty close to an assistant principal who confidentially shared with me that she is putting one of my colleagues on a performance improvement plan. Unfortunately, I’m also close to the teacher in question. I know she has no idea that this is coming. I wish I didn’t know either, to be honest, but now I do, and I want to help my colleague without betraying the assistant principal’s confidence.
Frankly, I also would like the assistant principal to be more straightforward with my teacher friend rather than tell me about her shortcomings, but I’m not sure how to do all of the above without jeopardizing my relationship with either one of them. I’d love some advice. Thank you.
A: Let’s talk about your colleague first. You can’t be direct without violating the assistant principal’s trust, but you may be able to help her indirectly. For instance, you can check in and ask her how she’s doing. If she tells you she’s struggling, you can offer practical support. Help could take many forms, such as steering her to appropriate resources; offering to observe her during a free period (and following up with constructive feedback that emphasizes her strengths); inviting her to watch you teach; or asking open-ended questions that prompt her to reflect on her approach.
You can’t be direct without violating the assistant principal’s trust, but you may be able to help her indirectly.
You also could initiate a dialogue about issues that you’re experiencing in the classroom and ask her to collaboratively brainstorm solutions. The challenge is going to be having these conversations without arousing suspicion, sharing confidential information, offending her, or crossing boundaries. After all, you’re her colleague, not her supervisor. It’s not your responsibility to evaluate her teaching efficacy. Your goal is to help her without jeopardizing your friendship or your own career. Along those lines, it’s always an option to say and do nothing.
Which brings me to your second question about setting better boundaries with the assistant principal. You can be straightforward and tell her that you’d like her to communicate her concerns with your colleague directly and leave you out of it. If you want to elaborate, you could explain that having this type of confidential information puts you in an uncomfortable position. Alternatively, you can ask questions that prompt reflection, such as, “Do you think she’s going to be surprised that you’re putting her on a performance plan?” or, “Have you spoken to her in the past about what she needs to do differently?”
But that’s a script for the future; you can’t erase what you’ve already heard. So for now, if your colleague tells you that she’s been put on an improvement plan, listen empathetically and give her time to process the feedback. Don’t attempt to “fix” the problem. Ask her whether she wants your advice or your ear.
If she’s receptive to input, you can try to reframe the PIP as an opportunity for her to improve and build her confidence in the classroom, rather than a sign that she’s about to get fired. You also can normalize her struggle; after all, every teacher is working on something.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
