Q: I’m a principal in a fairly large county, and I’ve always been frustrated by my professional peers’ lack of interest in collaborating with me. But right now, with the global pandemic and the attending leadership challenges, I’m particularly dismayed by the dismissive, individualistic attitude of the other principals in my cluster and the county as a whole. I don’t know why this is the culture, though I suspect it comes down to competitiveness for some, and I’d like to change the tone. I feel like I’ve made a good faith effort. I share my ideas and resources freely, I ask others for advice, I praise other principals when they do something interesting or innovative, and I make sure I specifically celebrate their efforts with our (shared) supervisors. Despite all of the above, I’m getting no traction. It’s lonely at the top — everyone knows that — but that only makes this more confusing. One would think that these other principals would be keen to have allies and collaborators. Is there anything more I can do to change this standoffish dynamic and encourage more crowdsourcing, sharing of approaches, and general emotional generosity?
A: I can appreciate why this is frustrating, particularly during this time of great instability, uncertainty, and stress. It’s also hard to know why this is the norm in your district. Perhaps you’re right that some of your principal colleagues feel competitive or cling to a scarcity mentality and believe that your gain is their loss. Perhaps their supervisors are in some way breeding insecurity or encouraging a self-centered culture. Or maybe these principals simply are overwhelmed and don’t have the bandwidth to collaborate with you. It’s also possible that they don’t want or think they need help, or that they already turn to other trusted advisers for advice. It’s impossible to read their minds, and you could drive yourself crazy trying to understand their motives or behavior. Besides, that’s beyond your control.
Here’s the good news. You’re making a good faith effort to tamp down competition by signaling that you respect and admire them and by sharing your ideas and resources. That’s a great start, and you may still wear down their defenses. You might want to try a couple of other tactics to lessen your feelings of isolation. As you work to strengthen ties with colleagues in your own county, consider looking farther afield. You can crowdsource with principals in other parts of the state or country. Or consider adopting an approach that another principal shared with me recently. To boost cooperation and collaboration, he started signing up for districtwide committees. He realized these were opportunities to partner with and befriend other principals. Not only that, these were colleagues who actually wanted to work with others. The principal told me that he joined whether the topic was achievement, equity, staff wellness or athletics — his primary objective was to create a supportive community. As he worked on these committees, he also made social plans with the other members. Over the course of a few years, he solidified ties, built trust, and slowly broadened his network. I hope you’re able to do the same.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
