Q: I’m a middle school principal and I recognize that my staff is tapped out. Some are doing great, and some are doing . . . not so great. I’ve talked to other principals and we all agree — this isn’t the time to have extra meetings, or to hold people to impossible standards, or to lose our cool. That’s all common sense. But people are going through some really hard times. Some have partners who have been laid off, some have gravely ill family members, some are single parents, some are living alone and feeling isolated. Their struggles are real. Frankly, I have some of my own. I’m feeling a little foggy. I live in a hard-hit part of the country where we all know someone who has succumbed to COVID-19. I know there’s a limit to what I realistically can do to encourage them to stay emotionally well, but I want to make sure I’m not missing something. I heard secondhand about another principal, for instance, who is offering staff access to free virtual yoga classes and having regular virtual staff happy hours. Maybe I’m not doing enough. I don’t know. That’s essentially my question.What could or should I be doing to keep my staff afloat? Thanks.
A: My guess is that if a parent came to you and asked how they could best support their middle schooler right now, you’d have no trouble coming up with a response. You’d encourage them to set realistic expectations for themselves and for their child, and to do whatever they need to do to manage their own anxiety and stay calm. You might tell them to make an effort to be the thermostat even if their kid is a wildly fluctuating thermometer. Or advise them not to sweat the small stuff, or to practice self-care, or to apologize when things inevitably go awry. You also might tell them to help their child identify coping strategies that work for them and encourage them to focus on what’s in their control. You might remind them that every child is going to have different social needs, different ways of responding to a crisis, and different levels of resilience.
- Related column: Teaching remotely is making her lose her mind
My advice to you is not that dissimilar. No two staff members are going to have the same needs. As you point out, they all have a lot on their plates. They may have challenging home situations or insufficient resources. They may have underlying mental health issues, concerns about a partner’s job stability, or insecurity about their ability to execute on distance learning. They may be worrying about their students or contending with unreasonable parent demands. Across the board, everyone is dealing with massive changes on the home, work, and personal fronts. In other words, this is bigger than you, and you don’t have the power to fix everything for everyone. That doesn’t mean you’re helpless, though. Here are some practical steps you can take to foster staff wellness:
- Start every interaction with a question about how they’re doing. Don’t ask, “How are you?” Get specific. Try asking questions such as, “What was harder this week than last week?” Or, “What do you think teachers overall would say has been the toughest aspect of distance learning?” You also could share a personal challenge to make it safer for them to show vulnerability.
- Recognize that your “love language” may not work for them. When you’re overwhelmed, for example, you might find it helpful to map out your tasks and knock off a few items each day. But a teacher who simply needs to vent is not going to respond well to an offer to help them make a to-do list.
- If you have to do an observation virtually, as some districts are requiring, reassure your faculty that you’re only looking to “catch them being good.” Or in this case, perhaps “good enough.”
- Don’t keep reinventing the wheel. Yes, your staff is going to have to continually adjust and adapt throughout distance learning, but be judicious about how much change you introduce. Their learning curve is steep as it is, and competence breeds confidence — which, in turn, improves one’s emotional state.
- Validate the heaviness of this time and allow them to express dark feelings, but make room for joy, too. It’s OK to laugh and to look for humor in the absurd.
- Provide training as needed, but also do what you can to leverage teachers’ existing strengths.
- Consider a buddy system. Some schools are having teachers buddy up so that if one gets sick, the other can pitch in. They also can check on one another as an extra layer of support.
- Provide EAP numbers, links to teletherapy practices and other helpful websites, such as county crisis numbers or information about local health resources.
- Crowd-source with other administrators, but beware the urge to “throw everything at the wall to see what sticks.” For every teacher who wants a free Zoom yoga class or virtual happy hour, for example, you will have one who just wants that time back and to be left alone. Make that stuff optional.
- Periodically send out an anonymous survey with just a couple of questions, such as “What’s working well for you?” and “What’s not working well for you?”
- Run interference with parents. Parents are not at their peak, either. If one is causing a lot of stress for your teachers, check in with the parent and troubleshoot. Shield your teachers from unfair or excessive negativity and complaining. Give them explicit permission to punt problems they can’t solve to you.
- Limit the number and timing of your emails. People are experiencing information overload, whether they’re students, parents or teachers. Don’t blast out an email at 10 p.m., either — if you must write it, schedule it to be delivered the following morning during school hours. Help teachers set boundaries, as well, to prevent burnout.
- Use your student support team. Perhaps a learning specialist, paraeducator, or counselor could pitch in when a student is struggling academically or emotionally. Or maybe a staff development teacher could give an assist to a classroom teacher or host a virtual study hall. A teacher also might feel more comfortable turning to a counselor rather than their principal for mental health information. Use all of your in-house resources.
- Remind your staff that they’re not “working from home,” they’re “at home, trying to work in a crisis.” They’re not a bad teacher if they don’t take to this immediately; and besides, no one is going to be an expert at something this novel. While you’re at it, freely confess your own mistakes.
- Provide flexibility with meetings, synchronous classes, and check-ins to the extent possible. For teachers balancing work and home responsibilities, that might mean the difference between teaching while their baby naps and teaching while their baby cries to be fed.
- Last but not least, attend to your own mental health. Emotion contagion is real, and it’s going to be exceedingly hard to be a thermostat if you’re feeling ragged and fried yourself. During a crisis, self-care is anything but self-indulgent. Plus, you’ll be modeling the behavior you hope to elicit from them.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
