Q: I’m a teacher, and the expectation is that every day I will post my lesson plans for my students, keep online “office hours,” check in regularly with my principal and department chair, field all manner of questions about assignments, solve technology problems (which I’m horrible at even with help from someone in the district’s technology office, and they’re nowhere to be found right now), keep a positive attitude, post a weekly blog, attend online “staff” meetings, and the list goes on.
But I’m having a rough go of it. First, mentally I’m having a tough time because this whole plan feels so unrealistic to me. My students who have IEPs and 504 plans don’t have the appropriate support, and many of them are taking care of younger siblings while their parents work from home. My WiFi has been ridiculously slow, and my students are having the same problems. Yeah, we proactively checked and made sure everyone could get online and had (or received) a Chromebook, but that doesn’t mean everything is working as planned.
And don’t get me started on my “coworkers” (my kids), who are driving me and each other crazy. They’re gross and demanding and should all be fired. Every minute my youngest is all, “Up, up, pick me up.” Or, “I want Cheerios.” The older two are beating the stuffing out of each other whenever I sit down to work, or complaining that someone farted on them or picked their nose and wiped it on them, and there are so many tears. I think we need a workplace harassment policy.
Meanwhile, my 9-year-old thinks her life is over and keeps asking for hugs and cuddles every 30 seconds, and it’s really hard for me to switch back and forth between teacher mode and mom mode. Plus, I’m supposed to make sure my older children are doing their school work. Hahahahaha. [Cue crazy laughter.]
And then there’s my husband. Theoretically, he wants to help, but he’s got to work, too, and he’s being a big baby. I wish we had a bigger house because this all might be easier if I could just send him to his room, or whatever the equivalent is when you have to work and live with your partner. He’s grumpy and complains constantly about all the money we’re losing, and how he might not have a job when this is over, and he keeps saying things like, “I’m sick of Raisin Bran! Why didn’t you stock up on Rice Chex?” I honestly think he’s daring me to kill him. That’s when he’s not yelling at the kids or at the physician experts on TV who “don’t know what they’re talking about.” Because he does, of course. He’s making me insane. Someone could tape a reality show in my living room. I know these are unusual times, but for the love of God, is there anything I can do to make this go more smoothly?! I am LOSING MY MIND.
A: It may be small comfort, but from the letters I’m getting, I can tell you that you’re in good company. And for what it’s worth, your letter made me laugh out loud. Even in the midst of your stress, your great sense of humor comes through. You can draw on that strength to help you — and others — weather this strange time. Yes, there are going to be daily absurdities, including “coworkers” who pick their nose and fart on one another. Consider writing this stuff down and sharing your experiences with friends and fellow teachers. You could even start a blog for anonymous strangers. You can’t make this stuff up, and if you draw on adversity to help others, you might feel a greater sense of purpose and control. That’s a key element of resilience.
Second, cut yourself some slack. You’re in uncharted waters, dealing with tremendous uncertainty and change, and the conditions for doing your best work are far from ideal. You’re surrounded by equally stressed and discombobulated kids (and what sounds like one big child!), you’re essentially trying to perform two jobs at once, and you’re expected to be the calm at the center of the storm at a time when you feel anything but calm.
Keep in mind that the principal who is setting these professional expectations is probably stressed as well, and they’re figuring everything out as they go. Let them know where you’re running into trouble. Perhaps the “staff meetings” could fall by the wayside, or the principal could schedule individual teacher check-ins, or be flexible about meeting attendance, or videotape a message that every staff member could watch on their own time. Yes, it’s important to establish a predictable schedule and some normalcy, but everyone is going to have to loosen expectations.
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The same goes for technology. If the WiFi doesn’t work, deadlines are going to have to be adjusted. As for students with specific learning challenges, use your school resources to the extent possible, and honor kids’ accommodations to the best of your ability. Try to put a schedule and structure in place that helps preserve your sanity. Perhaps you and your husband can schedule specific times when each of you is in charge so the other can exercise or get some quiet time. All of this togetherness is going to be hard (and this is only just the start), so recognize that you’re going to need recovery time. This is a good opportunity to figure out what you need to do to decompress, whether that’s taking a hot shower, doing a mindfulness exercise, calling a friend or relative, or losing yourself in a book.
Finally, do some reappraising. Recognize that this won’t last forever and you’re doing your part for a greater good. Focus on what you can control and let go of the rest. Do your best to take care of your students and family, but also make an effort to address your personal needs. That adage about putting on your own oxygen mask first is a cliché for a reason.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
