Teacher feels guilty that she doesn’t want to return to brick-and-mortar teaching

Q: My school is planning to offer a hybrid model this fall, with some face-to-face and some virtual learning. However, given the limited resources my district has, I just don’t know how we’re going to be able to swing all the complicated but necessary cleaning regimens, extra supplies, and extra staff we’ll need to get kids back in the building safely. I suspect that our central office folks are just trying to appease the masses with talk of some kind of return.

I’m conflicted. On one hand, I think distance learning is the pits. Even though a lot of teachers have worked their butts off to make it effective, many students have been getting little or nothing out of it, for a variety of reasons — maybe they’re stressed and overwhelmed, or lack good WiFi access, or have learning issues and need special supports, or have other family responsibilities that are getting in the way, and so on. Clearly, in-person instruction serves most kids much better, and we should all bend over backward to reopen our schools and classrooms. On the other hand, I just don’t feel OK about going back to school in a few months. I don’t have preexisting conditions, but I have family members who do, and who spend tons of time with my family. I’m not a risk taker in any area of my life, and I worry constantly about worst-case scenarios.

Here’s my problem: I’ve decided that if we reopen our school building in September, I won’t go back, but I feel terrible about that decision. I know that thousands of doctors and nurses are working on the front lines without proper protective gear, not to mention all the people delivering mail and working in grocery stores, and I wish I were that brave. But I’m not. So how can I reconcile my views, and is there anything I can do to get myself to a place where I might be OK, emotionally, with heading back into the classroom? Because that’s where I want to land.