Teacher unsure whether to accept principal’s offer of ‘exit interview’

Q: I’m a teacher in a public school district, and like many other teachers right now, I’m leaving my job. But unlike many other teachers across the country, I’m not leaving because my students are dysregulated and the principal isn’t punishing them or because I lack time or supplies or support from parents. In fact, I’m not leaving for any of the expected post-pandemic reasons. I’m leaving because I don’t like my school in particular. More specifically, my department chair has made me miserable day after day, year after year, and I’ve never felt comfortable going to my principal for help fixing that dynamic. He’s always in a rush and routinely keeps his door closed when he’s in his office, which is much of the time. He also hates conflict and has made it clear to the staff that he doesn’t want to get involved in what he calls “teacher playground squabbles.” So I just took emotional hit after hit from my supervisor until I felt I had to leave.

Much to my surprise given his avoidant-verging-on-dismissive style, my principal just offered me an exit interview. He told me he was genuinely caught off guard when he learned that I wanted to leave, especially since I’m a highly regarded teacher and in his mind, “we get along well.” Plus, he knows that I’m going to a neighboring district where I’ll teach the same subject to kids in the same grade that I teach right now, only with a longer commute and a lower salary. I suppose he realizes that I must have been pretty miserable to make that sort of move. I mean, the whole thing is disappointing to me, too. It’s not the district’s policy to offer exit interviews, so he’s doing this on his own. If only he had showed that type of initiative earlier, maybe we wouldn’t even be in this boat! In any case, now I’m wary. I might want to return to this district someday, and I don’t want to go all scorched earth, burning a bridge on him. I’d prefer to just slip out the back door. Can I turn down the exit interview? And if I take him up on the offer, what should I say?

A: You’re leaving in part because of a failure of communication, on his part and on yours. It sounds like he considers your departure a loss, has some regrets, and wants to learn from the experience. He’s under no obligation to offer you an exit interview, so this feels like a sincere offer. Given that, I think he’s more likely to take it personally if you decline the interview than if you approach the conversation respectfully, professionally, and constructively.