Q: That was a stressful, heart attack-inducing election, but now it’s over. At least, for most everyone. Except for the conspiracy theorists, who happen to include a few of my teacher colleagues. They’re constantly spouting all this stuff about the election being fraudulent. Every single day it’s something new. A pipe burst in Georgia and so they had to prematurely stop counting votes. Or there were glitches in voting software. Or a deep-state supercomputer stole the election for Biden. At first, I tried reasoning with them. I pointed out that even officials at the Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency (we’re talking about Trump’s own people!) are putting out memos saying it was a secure election. I’ve seen no credible evidence to support Trump’s, or his supporters’, claims. Still, I find myself stuck in endless, circular, and frustrating arguments. I can’t believe I work with such impressionable (and that’s the most tactful word I can come up with right now) teachers, who are responsible for educating the next generation. Plus, there’s the ideological piece. We never talk about this stuff in front of kids, and we’re all careful on social media, but I can’t help but wonder whether they hold hateful views about specific groups of children, including their own immigrant students. I am filled with disgust, and feeling more than a little enraged, and it’s getting in the way of my ability to interact with them. Any advice, other than quitting my job?
A: You know that you hold differing views, that arguing gets you nowhere but frustrated, and that you can’t change their minds. So, first, stop engaging in political discussions with these teachers. At least everyone has the good sense not to carry on these conversations in front of students or an online audience.
Second, you may not be able to control your own feelings, such as disgust or rage, but you can control your behavior. Check any unproductive impulses, whether it’s to get in a fight or to gossip with likeminded colleagues about these teachers’ opposing views. If you come across evidence that their beliefs negatively impact how they treat students, you could bring that to an administrator’s attention, but right now all you have are assumptions.
Also, these are colleagues, not personal friends or family members. You can limit your interactions to the workday. Steer clear of them as much as possible even then, particularly if you’re feeling contempt. They might sense your disapproval and feel compelled to argue, and the last thing you want is to be goaded into discussions that deplete you. Plus, even if you quit your job, you’re going to encounter colleagues who don’t share the same ideology. In fact, a recent study found that 42% of Americans have been involved in a political disagreement at work. Many schools and companies have had to take a hard look at how they approach these kinds of conversations and outline what it means to be respectful and inclusive. There have to be boundaries around how individuals treat one another in an organization. As for you personally, if a debate becomes personal and fruitless, that’s a good sign that it’s time to walk away. In fact, all of you should be careful, regardless of your views. While Title VII of the Civil Rights Act protects employees from discrimination for many things, including race, ethnic background and religious beliefs, it doesn’t explicitly protect political speech at work.
All things considered, your best bet is to spend your time with people who don’t trigger you and to focus on self-regulation. When you feel your heart rate beginning to increase, for example, take a few deep breaths and disengage. It can be frustrating at times, but the only thoughts we control are the ones in our own head.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
