Q: I’m a 6th-grade teacher in a public school in Florida. I have a great rapport with my students, and they know I like to joke around a lot. I tease and can be a little bit sarcastic, but it’s more funny than mean. My principal recently dropped in unannounced to observe my classroom, which happens at least once a semester, and I’m kind of floored by what he wrote about my teaching in his informal evaluation. To sum it up, he said that I’m overly sarcastic and miss signs that I’m upsetting my students. I don’t know what he’s talking about. No one was upset! In any case, he wants me to cut it out. I met with him and may have been a little defensive, but I think I’d know if my approach was offending kids. I’ve been at this teaching gig for a long time, and I’m only flippant with students who I know can take it—and who I know dish it out to their friends, too. Should I be worrying about this?
A: I’m going to start with the obvious, which is that your principal has issued a directive. He wants you to eliminate sarcasm. So the short answer is yes — you should be worrying about this. There’s a reason he dropped in unannounced; he wanted to observe you when you were less guarded. Your approach that day was clearly flippant, and he thinks you offended kids. Perhaps you put them on the defensive, too, which is ironic considering you felt the same way when you met with your principal. That’s not a good feeling for an adult or a child.
I’m wondering whether your Spidey sense is less keen than you think. Although you’re right that some kids tolerate sarcasm better than others, very few enjoy it. Even kids who dish it out can be hypersensitive. At best you’re poking fun, at worst you’re using humor at someone else’s expense. Your comments might seem harmless and jocular, but there’s a good chance you’re undercutting your relationship with your students. Sarcasm erodes trust, especially when you make a biting comment about a kid in front of their peers. Whether you’re joking about their academic ability or the fact that they zoned out, you’re embarrassing them. Remember that these are 6th graders. There’s nothing more brutal at that age than public humiliation. Your students are drawing conclusions about you, too. They’re going to be less willing to raise their hands if they’re worried about your reaction. Some kids will internalize negative remarks that aren’t even directed at them. Plus, while girls this age are prone to hearing any critical voice as screaming, middle school boys tend to mask their feelings. They might laugh when they really feel like bolting from the room. Your principal likely picked up on cues you’ve been missing, such as a student’s uneasy body language or deer-caught-in-headlights expression. Or he might simply believe that sarcasm has no place in the classroom.
If you can’t go cold turkey, start by limiting sarcasm to one-on-one interactions with students with whom you have a trusting relationship. If you’ve had run-ins with a kid in the past, shoot for sincerity. Start paying closer attention to everyone’s reactions. Snarky can be funny or it can be mean. A student is unlikely to tell you the truth, but your partner, friends, or colleagues might be willing to be more honest. What do they think about your interpersonal style? Ask yourself some questions, too. Do people tend to get defensive around you? Do you find you often have to explain what you meant? Do you frequently have to issue apologies? Are you using sarcasm relentlessly, or do you know when to switch gears and be serious? Do you tend to exhaust people, or feel like you always have to be the funniest person in a room?
In the end, this isn’t optional. Your principal thinks your approach is cutting and inappropriate. Here’s the good news, though. If you’re less sarcastic, your students will probably enjoy your class more, not less.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
