Q: I teach social studies in a middle school and, theoretically, I collaborate and plan with colleagues in my department. However, there’s one teacher, “Kim,” who contributes nothing while benefiting from the work the rest of us do. If she were inexperienced, I might feel more generous, but she’s an experienced teacher who is just. . . lazy. We also have major problems with coverage and practically no subs, and she’s the only one of us who never covers a period when someone else is out. We can pressure her into doing it occasionally, but it’s almost not worth the effort and aggravation, so the rest of us just take it on, yet again.
Making this more annoying, she is always complaining about leadership, complaining about having “too much work,” or complaining about the kids. The other day she called a student a “f*ck-up.” Really? Her lack of professionalism makes me want to work somewhere else with better, motivated and less negative colleagues. Like everyone else who actually pulls their weight, I’m overworked and lack the patience for this. The department chair might say something like, “Kim, that kind of thought needs to stay in your head, not come out of your mouth,” or “Kim, you haven’t volunteered this week and I’m going to need you to step up,” and Kim will change her ways for about a nanosecond. But then the cycle starts all over again. Should I go above my department chair to the principal? Battle it out myself when she calls a kid an a*hole? Refuse to cover a period when it’s her turn? I am too tired to think straight and I’m close to losing my cool.
A: When you’re frustrated and overworked, you’re like a rubber band getting stretched. You need to figure out what will prevent the rubber band from snapping. In other words, what do you need to do to manage the stress of teaching when you’re short-staffed and forced to plan with an uncollaborative and unprofessional colleague? I can’t offer solutions that will change this person, but I can help you think about the problem in a different way and identify some of the elements in your control. Here are a couple of ideas that might help you.
Consider how you appraise the situation. Psychology professor Seth Pollak, a researcher at the University of Wisconsin at Madison, studies how an individual’s appraisal of a situation affects their response to it. For instance, if three students are asked to present in class, each of them will react differently. “One kid might not sleep the night before and will be sweating during the presentation,” Pollak explained. “A second kid in the same class might think, ‘This is a really cool challenge; I’m going to nail it,’ and they’re on an endorphin high. And a third kid might be like, ‘I have a presentation due Tuesday. Whatever, it’s just not a big deal.’”
In other words, something isn’t stressful until we define it as stressful, so consider whether there might be another way for you to construe this experience. Maybe you could focus on the fact that you’re grateful that only one member of your department is checked out, or that your department chair recognizes the problem and is making an effort to turn this around. Or perhaps you think to yourself, ‘I’m glad I’m not responsible for supervising this person,’ or ‘I’m glad I’m not like that and can feel proud of the work I’m doing,’ or ‘I’m glad that people like this are few and far between.’ The goal isn’t to dismiss the problem, but rather to downgrade it from a morale killer to more of an irritation.
Identify triggers and buffer yourself. It might help to consider why this person is so triggering to you. Is it the unfair distribution of work? A concern that their laziness might somehow reflect poorly on you? Would it bother you less if you had more time to plan on your own? Or perhaps there is something about them that reminds you of someone else you dislike. Once you pinpoint your biggest frustrations, you can think about the right solutions.
For instance, if it’s the fact that they trash-talk students, don’t spend time alone with them, and shut down the conversation if they start calling kids names. Be direct but professional and specific: “It makes me uncomfortable when you talk about kids that way.” When you must interact with them at a department meeting, focus on the more collaborative members of your team. If it’s the workload that’s bothering you the most, you could limit how much extra work you shoulder, or you could ask your department chair to come up with a more consistent and equitable way to handle coverage, or you could take a day off yourself to rest and recalibrate. As for your question about talking to the principal, I’d ask the department chair how you can best support them. They might have flagged the issue for the principal already, or — particularly if the teacher’s contempt for students is noticeable to everyone — the chair might want you to share your personal observations with administrators.
I’d also have a plan for those moments when it really starts to get to you and you’re afraid you’ll lose your cool. Perhaps you take a break and step out of the room, or you visualize yourself in a happy place. The head of my school will hold her thumb and pointer finger in a circle at her side and visualize harsh words going straight into the “trash can”. Alternatively, it might help to summon some empathy for this teacher. Keep in mind that we never know someone else’s back story. You’re reading their behavior as laziness, but they might be going through something difficult. Listen for clues. Maybe they’re worried that they aren’t making ground with a particular student and fear that if that child underperforms, it will reflect poorly on them. In that case, they might welcome practical tips. Given your level of fatigue, though, it’s important that you choose your battles carefully and conserve your energy. Focus on what you need to do, both preventatively and in real time, to manage this frustrating situation.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
