Q: I’ve been doing some research into why principals resign, and I read your column about the principal who wanted out. I just resigned from my job after six years at a high school for a number of reasons, though a lack of support and central office concerns played major roles in my decision. I was a successful principal, and we made positive changes in school culture and student achievement under my leadership. However, the district’s board members and superintendent had an unhealthy (too friendly) relationship with each other, and they made it increasingly difficult for me to be an effective and ethical leader. Here’s my current problem: I have found that other educators can’t believe a principal would go back into the classroom, as I’ve chosen to do. I did it to keep my sanity and to get away from unethical practices, but who would believe me if I told them what was happening? It’s sad that principals can’t complete our careers now because we can’t be authentic and lead our schools. I would like others to know, first, that even good principals sometimes choose to return to the classroom. Second, I’d like to get some insight into how we can keep good principals in schools.
A: I’m not surprised that you feel distressed and powerless. Yes, you chose to leave your principal position voluntarily, but it’s clear you didn’t feel you had much choice. You articulate that staying would have compelled you to behave in ways that fly contrary to your values and beliefs. You also felt you would have had to deal with distasteful politics, and you weren’t willing to sacrifice your sanity. It’s easy enough to communicate those reasons to anyone who asks, but as you’ve discovered, you can’t control how others will interpret what you say. They may have difficulty believing you’d take a pay cut voluntarily, or doubt that you’d sacrifice status and conclude you were forced out. I can see why it’s frustrating that people won’t necessarily buy that you chose to go back into the classroom.
You also may be experiencing some cognitive dissonance of your own. After all, you didn’t abandon your leadership role because you disliked your day-to-day work or because you desperately wanted to work in the classroom with students again. (If that was your motivation, you don’t state it here.) Yes, you took control of a bad situation and acted with agency, but that doesn’t mean you can’t feel like you were fired. It may feel more like you ran from something than toward something.
So what now? You have two challenges. The first is to stop worrying about other people’s opinions, which you have no control over anyway. No matter what you say or do, some people are going to think you were forced out. Some people won’t care at all. Some people will assume you burned out. Some people will think you were abused by unethical board members or a power-hungry superintendent. Some will assume you simply missed teaching. And so on. None of that is important. There’s an expression: “Your reputation is what others think of you; your character is who you truly are.” Focus more on relentlessly policing your negative self-talk. Remind yourself often that you chose to leave a job that wasn’t working for you. That was a brave move. By leaving, you put yourself back in the driver’s seat.
The second challenge is to deal with your grief about leaving a job under less-than-ideal terms. Both of these goals will take time and hard work, but you’re instinctively doing all the right things. By researching why principals quit, you’re being proactive rather than passively accepting your predicament. You’re trying to understand what went wrong and help other leaders avoid the same fate. You’re trying to derive meaning from pain, and that will help you get out of your own head and heal. In the meantime, don’t forget to look for the positives. What, for instance, do you love about teaching? Recognize that it may take time for you to feel real joy, but consider counseling if you feel perpetually flat, angry, or sad. A good therapist could help you process and reframe your abrupt change in career plans and give you some tools for managing disappointment and frustration.
I’ll end by circling back to your question about principal retention. I think you answered that one yourself. As you note, principals are more likely to stay put when they have autonomy and are able to make choices that best serve their communities. They stay when they’re able to be their authentic selves, and when they’re confident they’ll be treated fairly and respectfully, and when they don’t have to sacrifice their mental health or their ethics to do their job.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
