Q: “I’m currently working as a mentor with an untenured teacher and I’m struggling to help them hear my suggestions. They insist they are taking my advice, even though I haven’t seen it. How can I help if they aren’t listening to me?”
-Signed, Feeling helpless mentor
A: It’s fantastic that you’re taking the mentor role seriously. Supporting an untenured teacher is one of the most important contributions a veteran educator can make — for the individual teacher’s success and the students in their care. That said, mentoring is rarely straightforward. It can be discouraging when you offer suggestions and the mentee insists they’re already doing what you’ve recommended, even when your observations suggest otherwise. You’re not alone in this struggle; there are constructive ways forward, so there’s no need to give up.
Below are some practical strategies to help you move from frustration to meaningful partnership.
Shift From Suggesting to Inquiring
Instead of starting with “You should…” or “Try doing…,” consider framing your guidance as inquiry. This subtle shift allows the mentee to reflect more openly without feeling corrected or defensive. For example, rather than saying “You need to use more wait time after asking questions,” you might try, “How do you think students respond when you pause after asking a question? What do you notice?” This opens a conversation rather than a debate about whether they already do it. When teachers feel they’re being asked to self-assess rather than being told what’s missing, they’re more likely to engage honestly.
In practice, this means leaning heavily on reflective questions during your mentoring sessions — striving for conversations mostly about their insights, with your suggestions folded in as needed. I have found that many teachers already know the “right” answer; they just need the opportunity to come to their own conclusions, and we can help them do that by asking the right questions and being intentional with our listening.
Ground the Feedback in Evidence
It’s hard for anyone to argue with clear, specific evidence. Instead of broad suggestions, anchor your feedback in what you observed. For instance, if you want to discuss classroom management, don’t say, “You need stronger transitions.” Instead, reference the specific moment you witnessed: “I noticed when the bell rang, it took about three minutes for students to settle into their seats. What strategies might shorten that time?” By naming the behavior you saw, you avoid a “he said, she said” dynamic. It also makes it harder for the mentee to claim they already do it, because the evidence comes from a shared moment in time. The more you can point to exact student behaviors, quotes, or timestamps, the more concrete and constructive your feedback becomes. There are apps like Otter AI that will help you transcribe the lesson. If you’re good at scripting, it might make sense to script or record the lesson if the mentee is open to it.
Use Video as a Mirror
Sometimes the most powerful way for a teacher to see gaps between perception and reality is through video. Suggest recording short segments of class (with appropriate permissions) and then watching them together. I know that when I had to record myself for National Board Certification, watching the videos made me aware of some significant things I needed to change that no observers ever told me about. This was true especially with wait time.
Ask the teacher to reflect first before you add your perspective. For example, they might watch themselves giving directions and realize they’re not as clear or concise as they thought. This removes you as the “critic” and allows the video to be a neutral mirror. Even a 10-minute recording can generate valuable discussion, especially when the mentee identifies one strength and one area for growth before hearing your observations.
Normalize Resistance as Part of Growth
New teachers, especially untenured ones, are under enormous pressure. Resistance to feedback often stems from fear, insecurity, or exhaustion rather than arrogance. By recognizing that defensiveness is a natural part of professional growth, you can approach it more patiently. One way to do this is by validating their effort while guiding them forward. For example: “I can tell you’re working hard to implement strong questioning strategies. Let’s look at one spot where you could stretch even further.” This framing acknowledges their effort (so they don’t feel dismissed) but keeps the focus on growth. Making it a practice to name one strength before discussing an area of improvement helps mentees feel seen and supported, not just corrected. Being sympathetic to their challenges will also help deepen the trust between you. You are there to help them succeed, not fix them.
Co-Create Goals
Mentoring works best when the teacher feels ownership of the process. Instead of coming in with a list of improvements, ask your mentee to set one or two short-term goals. For instance, they might say: “I want students to be more engaged during group work.” From there, you can help brainstorm strategies, observe progress, and reflect together. When the goals come from them, suggestions feel less like top-down directives and more like collaborative problem-solving. (This is true with students too, by the way!) Starting your next meeting with a question such as “What’s one thing you’d love to see improve in your classroom this month?” gives them agency and provides you with a clear anchor for your future conversations. It will allow you to help them track their progress on something that matters to them.
Practice Patience and Persistence
Change doesn’t happen overnight, especially for new teachers juggling curriculum planning, grading, classroom management, and the emotional weight of being evaluated for tenure. What feels like resistance to you might simply be survival mode for them. That’s why it’s important to be patient while also persistent. Practicing patience is so much a part of my routine that when I was in my high school classroom with students, I had that very phrase tattooed on my arm as a reminder. It’s easy to get frustrated, but that doesn’t serve anyone. Keep showing up with curiosity, empathy, and concrete strategies. Over time, your mentee may trust that your suggestions aren’t about judgment but about helping them succeed. One way to make growth manageable is to focus on one achievable area at a time rather than overwhelming them with multiple changes.
When to Escalate
Finally, consider whether your mentee’s resistance is a developmental hurdle or a deeper unwillingness to improve. If repeated attempts at feedback, evidence, and collaboration yield no openness to growth, it may be necessary to loop in your mentoring coordinator, department chair, or administrator. Mentors provide support, but untenured teachers also are responsible for demonstrating professional growth. Escalating doesn’t mean giving up — it means ensuring that the teacher receives the layered support they need. Documenting your mentoring efforts will help you make a stronger case if additional guidance is required.
Mentoring is an act of generosity, patience, and professional commitment. It can feel discouraging when your efforts are met with defensiveness. However, remember that your role isn’t to “fix” your mentee overnight — it’s to guide them toward becoming a reflective practitioner. By shifting from directives to inquiry, grounding feedback in evidence, using video as a mirror, and co-creating goals, you can move past resistance and into genuine growth.
Stay the course. The seeds you plant as a mentor can make a lifelong difference in a teacher’s practice.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Starr Sackstein
Starr Sackstein is the Massachusetts state coordinator for PDK’s Educators Rising program, COO of Mastery Portfolio, an education consultant, instructional coach, and author. She was a high school English and journalism teacher and school district curriculum leader. She is the author of more than 15 educational books, including Hacking Assessment (Times 10, 2015), Making an Impact Outside of the Classroom (Routledge, 2024), and Actionable Assessment (Routledge, 2026).
Visit their website at: https://www.mssackstein.com/
