Q: Like many middle school math teachers, I’m quite aware that girls can suffer from perfectionism and experience “math anxiety.” I’m always encouraging female students to take risks in the classroom. I also remind my students that every single one of them is a mathematician. But lately I’ve been dealing with more risk-averse boys than girls. Whether they act defiant, arrive late and then spend half the class wandering the hall, or put their head down on their desk and pretend they’re asleep, it seems that more boys are struggling with anxiety about the material and doing anything to avoid coming to class, participating if they do come, and/or taking tests. I’ve got some tools for working with risk-averse female students, but my “best practices” don’t seem to work with their less-communicative, more combative male counterparts. Can you help me understand what’s going on here so I can be more patient and better equipped to help these boys work through this? I want and need them to master the content, and these boys are falling behind.
A: Your “best practices” likely will work with these boys eventually, but you may be missing a step. First, it’s important to understand the developmental phase they’re in. While I don’t want to overgeneralize, research has found that middle school boys and girls have different motivations. For instance, while girls are more sensitive to peer evaluation, more focused on closeness and social approval, and more worried about losing a relationship if they express anger, boys tend to be more preoccupied with dominance, competition, and winning; feel pressure to be strong and stoic; and have a harder time expressing feelings and being authentic with one another. As a result, girls may find it easier to admit vulnerability, seek help, and gratefully accept that help when offered. Regardless of gender, your students are acutely aware of the “imaginary audience,” or the idea that others are scrutinizing and judging them.
Research has found that middle school boys and girls have different motivations.
Start by building a trusting, nonjudgmental relationship with these boys so you can get to the root of the problem. As it stands, you have no way of knowing what’s getting in their way. They could be risk-averse, or they could be dealing with something else, such as a learning or attentional challenge. Once you’ve established a personal connection, proactively offer to help, then meet with them at a low-pressure time when they won’t be surrounded by peers. Tell them what you’re hearing from other students, too. That not only will normalize their struggle, but also give them the language they may lack to express their fears and frustrations. Try not to personalize their behavior when they’re less than charming and remember they want to please you and do well.
You didn’t mention the specific strategies you like to use with risk-averse or anxious students, so I’ll offer some of my favorites in case they’re helpful. First, cognitive scientist Sian Beilock, who studies how performance anxiety can be exacerbated or alleviated, has found that it’s helpful to practice under performance conditions. So, if you have a student with test anxiety, they can try timing their practice tests or taking a practice quiz in the classroom. You also can try a mindfulness strategy called object awareness. That involves taking a small, subtle object (such as a paperclip) into the classroom and coming up with three words to describe it before beginning a test. It works because it forces kids to retrieve language, which turns on the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for problem-solving and rational thinking). And by turning on the prefrontal cortex, they turn off the amygdala (the part of the brain responsible for the fight, flight, or freeze reaction).
If your students’ anxiety and avoidance relate to making a mistake and potentially embarrassing themselves in front of their classmates, you could offer to feed them questions in advance for a few weeks. That would give them a chance to prepare and set them up for success, which in turn could boost their confidence and willingness to participate. You also can make your students aware of “the spotlight effect,” or the psychological phenomenon whereby people overestimate how much others are noticing or thinking about them. In other words, while they’re worrying about their own performance, their peers are worrying about how others perceive them.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
