Q: I’m not sure there’s a real answer to my question, but I’m desperate for any advice. I co-teach a class, which is difficult enough, but I have an added challenge. My co-teacher comes to school sick as a dog, sneezes and coughs all over everyone and everything, but denies that she’s spreading germs everywhere. She blames her hacking on “allergies,” but there’s no rhyme or reason to when she has these “allergies.” It’s not like she’s only suffering during one particular season, and if her symptoms were due to something in the classroom environment, such as dust mites, she’d have this issue all the time. I suspect she doesn’t want to use her sick leave when she’s actually sick, which means she is choosing to prioritize herself and expose me and everyone else in the school to sickness. Plus, who wants to hear someone coughing and blowing their nose loudly all day?
Of course, if I get sick, I will then have to use my sick days to recover. I would never be as selfish as this woman. If she were my student, I could send her to the nurse who would then call home, but that’s obviously not an option. I will admit that I’ve battled with her over this and haven’t been particularly patient, and that clearly has gotten me nowhere. I’m also a total germaphobe which is making this much harder for me. What can I do?
A: You already have told your co-teacher that you believe she comes to school sick, but she insists her symptoms are due to allergies, so you’re in a stalemate. Meanwhile, your interactions have grown increasingly contentious. Rather than “winning the war,” you may have more luck focusing on winning smaller “battles.” Consider zooming in on the behaviors that bother you, such as coughing fits or loud nose-blowing episodes. If you focus on specific behaviors, you’re less likely to come off as accusatory or judgmental. You’re also less likely to elicit a defensive or combative response. For example, you might say, “I’m sure that cough is no fun for you, but it’s also affecting my ability to focus. Can we talk about how we might improve this situation?” When you talk to her, make sure you’re in a private space and speak only for yourself. Nothing productive ever comes from saying something like, “It’s not just me! Everyone is grossed out by your disgusting cough and thinks you have no regard for anyone else’s health.”
Try asking her directly what she’s willing to do to ease your discomfort (as well as her own).
You also can acknowledge that you’re a bit of a germaphobe. Along those lines, if you are the only one who thinks her behavior is off-putting, and her habits are not objectively disruptive or violating school policies, you may need to focus more on what you can do to handle your sensitivities. Whether your co-teacher’s symptoms are due to allergies or sickness, this doesn’t sound like the best co-teaching match, but you still need to get through this school year. To that end, try asking her directly what she’s willing to do to ease your discomfort (as well as her own). For instance, if you’re willing to cover for her, would she excuse herself when she needs to blow her nose or has a coughing attack? Would she consider using cough suppressants or taking allergy medication, if she doesn’t already? Has she consulted with a medical professional? Keep in mind that you can offer suggestions, but you can’t make her do anything.
If you’re unable to have a productive discussion, document what’s happening and consider involving a mediator, such as a supervisor. That person also could explore accommodations if your co-teacher’s habits are due to a medical condition. At the end of the day, there should be a balance between accommodating this co-worker’s preferences and maintaining a comfortable, healthy working environment for everyone else.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
