Q: Life is complicated and we’re teaching in weird times. I get that, but I find it unsettling that I suddenly find myself working alongside all these people I don’t know. Like, I’ll find myself doing bus duty with someone who just appears on a random Tuesday in May, a person I’ve never seen before in my life. Maybe they’re a replacement teaching assistant or a substitute teacher or a new teacher. Who knows? I mean, we barely see one another in the first place. We’re mostly in our own spaces when we’re in person, and everything has felt more fractured since Zoom staff meetings mysteriously fell by the wayside a month or so ago.

Anyway, some of these people are in the building to replace colleagues I do know, and who just kind of. . . disappeared. In a couple cases, it seriously felt like they vanished in the middle of the night. The principal never sends out emails to tell us that someone left, let alone why they left, so I don’t know whether they were granted ADA leave, or chose to take unpaid leave because they need to care for a child or sick relative, or were put on unpaid leave for something or other, or were fired for doing Lord knows what. Sometimes — and this could be a week or a month or even two months later — I’ll see that person’s car in the parking lot and be like, “Huh, I guess Sara’s back!” No one ever announces Sara’s return or provides any information about why she left in the first place. We’re just left to speculate.

Wouldn’t it be better to just tell us what’s going on than to have all of us gossiping about what we’ve heard and trying to piece together a story? Because that’s what’s happening, to be honest, and I wouldn’t be surprised if some of our more outlandish theories turn out to be worse than the truth! And wouldn’t it be better for the people returning to be publicly celebrated instead of everyone pretending they never left? To me, the secrecy is harmful to the person who left. Plus, we’ve all had enough uncertainty this year and just want to know what’s going on with our own colleagues! Would I be out of line to share my perspective with the principal and to ask him to be more forthcoming with staff?

A: It’s human nature to try to resolve uncertainty, to want to make sense of what’s happening in your environment. And I can appreciate that you find it unsettling to experience so much staff turnover without explanation. But the principal won’t be able to alleviate your emotional discomfort because personnel information is confidential. He’s not allowed to divulge anything about employees’ health, disciplinary actions, or reasons for termination. And to be frank, it’s none of your business anyway.

What the principal can do is give general information about dates of leave for instructional, coverage or planning purposes. And if someone’s absence exponentially increases your workload, you could ask for more support. When it comes to your colleagues’ chatter and nosiness, however, speculating about another person’s situation not only is wrong and unfair, but also erodes trust. If that’s the culture at your school, I’m not surprised that no one wants to share personal information. Why not simply assume the person on leave is dealing with a challenge, be compassionate, and go out of your way to shut down gossip?

Here’s the good news, though. While you’re not entitled to know the reasons people come and go, the “new people” in your building don’t have to stay strangers for long. If you find yourself standing next to someone you don’t know, introduce yourself and ask them if they have any questions or need help acclimating. As hard as change is for you, consider that it may be even harder to be new to your school. Similarly, if a colleague who left returns out of the blue, greet them warmly and tell them you’re glad to see them. If you focus on connection instead of curiosity, you might even end up creating the kind of culture in which colleagues confide in one another.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Phyllis L. Fagell

Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.