How can teacher create an everyday culture of compassion among colleagues? 

Q:  My fellow teachers are really good at taking action when a colleague suffers a big loss or has a major life change. We celebrate weddings, births, and other life milestones with cakes and gifts, and we organize meals for grieving colleagues, but we fall short when it comes to demonstrating compassion for each other on a daily basis. Lord help the teacher who shows up late or leaves early once in a while, or who shirks a bus duty. Everyone is ready to report them to the powers that be, or to gossip about their irresponsibility or laziness. But no one knows what’s going on in anyone else’s life. On the flip side, when someone does something nice, like bake cookies for the staff lounge or put out snacks before a staff meeting, there’s always someone who will complain that the teacher violated the nut policy or never brings in anything healthy. How about a little less entitlement? How can we create a culture where we all cut each other a little slack and don’t pass judgment? We don’t have to act like hall monitors just because we work in a school. It really irks me that so many people are simultaneously nosy and lacking in compassion. 

A:  You’re right that it’s easier to do concrete acts of kindness than to feel or show genuine compassion. Consider all the possible barriers: People who go it alone and resist help are less likely to help others. Teachers won’t feel psychologically safe asking for assistance if they’re surrounded by judgmental colleagues. Even one person can sour an entire culture. When individuals feel overwhelmed or suffer a personal setback, they’re prone to compassion fatigue and resentment. On top of all that, people may define compassion differently. 

So let’s start by defining compassion. According to Dr. Kelly McGonigal, a health psychologist and lecturer at Stanford University, it’s the “awareness and recognition of suffering; a feeling of concern, care for, and connection to the one suffering; a desire to relieve their suffering; and a willingness to respond to their needs.” Compassion can be a tough sell because it involves taking on someone else’s pain, but it has a big upside. It enhances the giver’s psychological well-being and improves the well-being of anyone who witnesses it.