Q: I know I’m a good teacher, but one class may put me over the edge. The students are all over the place. The primary challenge is that several kids are disrespectful, and their behavior disrupts others.

Because this particular class because the section includes many high-need students with IEPS and 504 Plans, I have a teaching assistant. While I’m thrilled to have another adult in the room, the assistant teacher only will attend to kids who have learning needs. They’re often not the kids acting out.

According to my department chair, the assistant’s job is to help me, period, not just to help kids with educational plans. He didn’t get the memo, I guess. He completely ignores the students who jump out of their seats, disturb others, and make rude comments. I’m furious that he leaves all the classroom management to me, and I need him to step up!

When I privately ask him after class to pitch in more, he apologizes profusely, agrees he needs to do more, then does the same old things. Grrr. I don’t want to involve anyone else in the building. I like to solve problems myself, and we all have more than enough on our plate. How can I get this man to pitch in more? I don’t want to be resentful and snippy for the entire year, but it’s getting really hard to act pleasant and collegial. I’m so sick of this pattern.

A: A former colleague used to tell me, “When there’s a void, someone will fill it.” It might be helpful to do an experiment. Stop addressing each and every unwanted behavior on your own and see what happens. If he still doesn’t address the behavioral problems, be direct and request his help in real time; don’t wait until after class to express frustration.

To change the pattern, it also may be worth taking the time to understand why he’s reluctant to intervene. He’s willing to help students with learning needs, so I’m guessing this isn’t a question of work ethic. Does he lack confidence in his classroom management skills? Is he afraid to step on your toes?

Pull him aside privately and tell him you’ve noticed that he’s great at helping students who struggle with academic content. Then ask him why he thinks he’s more reluctant to support dysregulated or disrespectful students. The question shouldn’t surprise him since you’ve broached the issue before. If he expresses insecurity about his skills, you could suggest (and model) specific strategies or share helpful resources, such as books, articles, or workshops. Or you could suggest that he consult with a staff development teacher or observe skilled colleagues in action.

Alternatively, you might discover that you need to better define your roles. It will be easier to establish and maintain good boundaries if you understand your respective responsibilities. If you aren’t meeting weekly already, establish a time to collaborate on lessons and develop plans for individual students. You also could use that time to reflect on how things are going, set and maintain realistic expectations, and celebrate any and all progress. Your assistant teacher is aware that he’s not pulling his weight and wants to contribute more, so tackling this openly and constructively could be win-win — ideally, you’ll feel less resentful and he’ll feel more confident.

Have a question that you’d like Career Confidential to answer? Email contactphyllisfagell@gmail.com. All names and schools will remain confidential. No identifying information will be included in the published questions and answers.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Phyllis L. Fagell

Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.