Q: I’m a high school teacher who suspects that the head of our theater department is having an inappropriate relationship with a ninth grader. At the very minimum, I think he’s grooming her. I teach the girl, but I’m still getting to know her, and this has nothing to do with anything she shared with me directly. In fact, my alarm bells went off when I overheard a conversation between two of her classmates. They were talking about how he texts her all the time — even on weekends — just to see how she’s doing, and they were amazed that he bought her a dress for a school dance. They didn’t seem worried. More like jealous, actually. This is a girl whose family struggles financially and who comes across as emotionally needy. Acting is her “thing,” and I think this man may have recognized her as an easy target. This is the little I know. I don’t have any proof that this has progressed beyond the texts and the gift, but still. . .
Anyway, I went to talk to my principal about this and she brushed me off. She said I’m reading too much into it and I could ruin the man’s career if I call Child Protective Services over a few texts and a dress. As she sees it, the theater head knows this student’s family is struggling financially, and he’s likely a good person who’s just looking to help a kid who’s hurting. I recently completed my district’s updated training, so I know I’m a mandated reporter and don’t need her permission to call CPS —she could even get in trouble if she doesn’t let me report — but I don’t want to jeopardize my position at the school or my (pretty good) relationship with her. I’m also worried about the damage I could do if I’m wrong and he really is just a well-meaning guy who, in my opinion, is overstepping. This seems like a gray area, even for a mandated reporter. I also know I’m not supposed to “interview” the girl myself. The police and child welfare workers who trained us told us they know how to conduct an investigation sensitively, and that teachers can jeopardize a case if they do their own interrogation. I don’t, therefore, intend to talk to her or even to her friends. And I do NOT want to talk to the head of the theater department. Where does this leave me?
A: I understand why you’re hesitant to report, but I’m struck by the first sentence of your question. You write, “I’m a high school teacher who suspects that the head of our theater department is having an inappropriate relationship with a ninth grader.” You’re a mandatory reporter, as you know, and typically teachers must make a report when they suspect or have reason to believe that a child has been abused or neglected. You don’t have the burden of proof. The proper authorities would conduct an investigation if they determine that one is warranted.
You don’t share where you work, but your state may not even require you to notify your principal before calling authorities, and many states prohibit employers from retaliating against employees who make that call. I’d review your school’s policy and state statutes. You also could call your school’s attorney for guidance. It’s possible your principal is violating district rules. Beyond your status as a mandated reporter, you have a moral obligation to protect your students. You could potentially prevent abuse and spare this child (and any other kids this teacher targets) lasting trauma. If your hunch is right, you may be the only adult who notices that something is awry. And if he’s already abusing her, she could start meeting with a mental health counselor right away.
The last line of your question is pretty broad. I do want to point out that your ability to help this student isn’t limited to calling child protective services. You’ve noticed that she’s emotionally vulnerable and that her family is struggling. If you create a safety net, she may be less of a target. Get to know her and build a relationship. Invite her to lunch and check in with her frequently. Be a warm and caring presence in her life, and explicitly tell her you’re there for her. If she does start to confide in you about the relationship, I’d be upfront with her about the limits to confidentiality. At the same time, tell her you’re glad she came to you for help and that you’ll do whatever you can to support her.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
