Supporting or pushing?

Q: I’ve been a high school math department chair for three years. Erin has been one of our math teachers for 14 years. She’s excellent, but we’ve clashed from the start. When I bring up new ideas, she’s always the first to question me. She was passed over for my job, and I think it’s personal. She told me recently that she wants to apply to other schools. She didn’t give a reason, but I was relieved because it’s been so tense. She asked me whether I’d give her a good reference, and I assured her that I would. I meant it. We’ve had our issues, but I respect her work. To her credit, she’s done a lot over the years, but I think she needs a new challenge. As a leader, it’s my responsibility to encourage her to “go to grow.” I often hear about teacher openings at other schools before they’re posted, so I let Erin know about a few of them. Well, that backfired in a big way. She told the principal that I was pushing her out. I feel like I can’t win. Was I wrong to send her the listings? 

A: There’s wrong, and there’s tactless. Under the right circumstances, sending the listings might have been a nice gesture. But Erin isn’t dumb, and she probably knows you want her to leave. She never asked for help beyond the recommendation, so you’ve overstepped your bounds and offended her.

Consider her perspective. On your end, you believe (or have convinced yourself) that Erin needs a new challenge. But is it possible that she simply wants a new boss? If that’s the case, she’s in a lose-lose situation. She either stays and lives with the building tension, or she abandons a job she’s excelled at, enjoyed, and held for years. If that’s how she feels, your extra help is salt in the wound.