Q: My school has a mentorship program in place for new teachers. As an experienced (30-plus years) educator, I signed on. I want to give back to the profession, and I recognize that it’s become an increasingly demanding job with a high turnover rate. There’s a stipend involved, but it’s modest, and that isn’t why I agreed to the role.
Anyway, I was assigned to “Carla,” who is 24, has a master’s degree, and did an internship before landing at my school. This isn’t her first exposure to the work, and we’re pretty similar to the school where she put in her training hours, but Carla is acting like she’s been sent to the coal mines. She cries off and on, all day long. At the copier. In the halls. Pretty much everywhere except in front of students, thankfully. Her skills are meh but not awful, which is to be expected from a young and overwhelmed new teacher, but that doesn’t seem to be the primary problem. She’s just an emotional train wreck.
I’ve done what I can to ease her load. I’ve given her copies of all of my lessons. I’ve come in early to make photocopies for her. I’ve watched her teach and given feedback. I’ve taught her students in front of her to demonstrate a few practices I thought might help. I’ve had her come watch me teach my students. I’ve taken on an extra class to give her more time to recharge. I’ve brought her coffee and let her cry on my shoulder more times than I can count. I’m starting to burn out myself! I don’t want to bail on her, because I know she’ll throw in the towel and I’ll feel responsible, but I don’t know if I can do this anymore. Help!
A: While new teachers can struggle and may break down in tears at times, Carla’s case is atypical. Her constant crying suggests that something else is at play. You can provide practical support and reassurance, but you can’t fix issues that require professional help, whether she is grieving a loss or failed relationship or struggling with depression.
I appreciate, however, that you want to exhaust all your resources before throwing in the towel. It sounds like you’ve been caring and considerate and have done as much as could reasonably be expected (and then some!) from a mentor teacher. At this point, I’d be looking for other sources of support — both for her and for you. Involve the administrator and the instructional specialist. Get creative. Could she have a pair, or perhaps even a team, of rotating mentors? Are there other individuals in the building who could help her get up to speed, such as a special education teacher who could help her understand how to complete paperwork? Her needs clearly exceed the capacity of any one individual, but the good news is that she’s been receptive to your help. She may benefit from knowing that there’s a whole posse of people rallying around her and rooting for her success.
Meanwhile, if there’s an employment assistance program, offer that as a resource. She may not even know such a program exists. You also could provide her with the names of outside therapists. Then set some boundaries. It’s not unkind to tell her that there are limits to the kind of support you can offer. Teaching is demanding, this teacher likely has additional sources of stress, and you can only do so much to keep her from falling apart. Ultimately, this is her life and she’s responsible for herself. Plus, don’t forget that you have your own students to teach and can’t afford to burn out. It’s possible to be generous without sacrificing yourself.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
