Teacher wants to change grieving student’s failing grade

Q: I was Andrew’s math teacher in 9th grade, and now he’s in my 11th-grade precalculus class. I’m thrilled to be teaching him a second time. He’s a phenomenal kid. He’s polite, sweet, mature, hard-working, and motivated, and we get along great. We both love the New York Yankees and talk about baseball all the time.  

Andrew was a straight-A student in 9th grade. This year started out much the same; he got an A first semester. But then his mother died suddenly in an accident. In an instant, the lights went out. It’s a terrible situation, and he’s not coping well. At all. He can’t focus, can’t apply new concepts, forgets his work at home, and doesn’t come in for extra help. I’m writing you now because I just graded a major exam. He failed, and I’m so upset. Junior year is a big year, and I hate to fail him just before he applies to college. Especially because I know he’s always been a great student. He’s just a kid who’s in a lot of pain. If his mother hadn’t died, I’m 100% sure he’d have aced this test. An “F” simply doesn’t reflect his ability. Would it be ethical for me to change his grade to reflect how I believe he’d have done if his mother hadn’t died? I can’t imagine another scenario where I’d even be tempted to do this, but failing him feels wrong and is making me incredibly anxious. 

A: I understand your instinct, but changing his grade would be unethical. That doesn’t mean your hands are tied, though, or that you can’t help him at all. This is a child who knows and trusts you. You’ve taught him before and have a real relationship. He’s clearly depressed, and for good reason. Odds are he’s tanking in other classes, too. But the bigger issue is that he’s suffered a major loss and needs emotional and practical support. Here are some things you can do: