Teacher hates a student, but sticking it out could be life-changing for both

Q: I really can’t stand a specific student. I just found out he will be in my class again this year. Teaching him once was more than enough! I know it’s not politically correct to hate a student, but this kid is the worst. I’ve tried every classroom management strategy, but he just pushes all my buttons. He mocks the way I walk and talk, makes fun of kids who screw up answers, draws pictures of genitals all over the desk, walls and floor, gets aggressive very quickly, steals anything not nailed down—whether it’s Doritos or tape—and has the worst hygiene. He downright stinks. He puts in no effort when he’s in class either, which isn’t that often in the first place. I’ve called home, but his mom says he’s my problem, and she can’t control him either. She seems like she doesn’t care or has given up. Maybe this is more of a confession than anything else, but what can I do here? Given how I feel, should I try to get him out of my class? I don’t want to spend another semester constantly sending him down to the main office.

A:  I suspect that any school counselors reading your question are wondering what I’m wondering. What’s going on in that child’s house? Why does he steal compulsively? Is he hungry? Why is he so angry and mean? Why does he push everyone away, from kids to authority figures? What’s with the unusually poor hygiene? Does he have access to a shower and clean clothes? Why is his mother so overwhelmed and disengaged she can’t even problem-solve with you? Is she a single parent? Working multiple jobs? These are just the initial questions that ran through my mind. I have so many others. Does he have an undiagnosed learning or emotional disability? The inappropriate pictures are a red flag. Is it possible he’s been sexually abused? What’s he doing when he’s skipping school? Your question rings every alarm bell and reads like a counseling case study. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if this is a family in crisis. 

I’d meet with his school counselor as soon as possible. He or she may be able to shed some light on the situation. There may be a backstory that will build your empathy, understanding and patience. If your concern is news to the counselor, he or she should find out what’s going on. The counselor may need to conduct a home visit, especially considering that attendance is an ongoing issue. This kid needs all hands on deck to rule out serious problems and put any needed supports in place.