Teacher’s opportunities are causing friction with her supervisor 

Q: I’m a teacher in Colorado who volunteers extensively with an outside organization that helps at-risk kids. Through that experience, I’ve connected with my school district’s associate superintendent, “Gerry.” I never would have met him otherwise. I’m not even sure my principal, Joe, sees him much — Gerry is his boss’s boss’s boss. But he’s on the Board of Trustees of the nonprofit where I volunteer, and he’s familiar with me and my work. He often observes me interacting with kids and speaking to large groups of educators. I know he likes how I redesigned the program to better meet kids’ needs. I have his respect and, as a result, he trusts me with a lot of responsibilities. In the last month or so, he’s asked me to testify in front of a government subcommittee, to keynote a national fund-raising event, and to cowrite an article with him for a well-known education weekly.  

When our article caught the public’s attention, Gerry and I were asked to be guests on a national talk show. That was a big, nerve-wracking surprise, but we had fun and were happy to call attention to a worthy cause. Many people in our community watched the show, and we got some lovely calls and notes. A bunch of the parents who wrote me also copied my principal. Joe then forwarded the emails to Candace, my immediate supervisor. I’m sure he did that to be nice, but she reacted strangely. She went on the attack, accusing me of being an attention whore. She suggested that I had fabricated the letters and insinuated that my (professional, platonic) relationship with Gerry was inappropriate. She told me that people were “wondering” about us. To say that I’m upset about her comments would be an understatement. I really love and need my teaching job, so I spoke to Gerry. I pleaded with him to keep me out of the public eye, and I told him I was done volunteering for a while. I know I sounded frustrated, and I could tell he was shocked and taken aback. I feel like there’s no winning here. What should I do now? 

A: When I read your letter, I recalled the advice a mentor gave me a few years ago. He told me to pay attention to the people who give you opportunities because they’re the ones in your corner who respect you. On the flip side, be wary of people who hold you back, undermine your supporters, or begrudge you those opportunities. In other words, Candace is your problem, not Gerry.