Teacher harassed about her ‘Zoom clothes’

Q: Now that many of us reside in “Zoom world,” lots of teachers are wearing “Zoom clothes,” including me. Teachers aren’t known for dressing to the nines anyway, but there really seems to be no point in wearing dressy stuff to attend, say, an online team or staff meeting. I try to look presentable, of course, but I choose comfortable cotton fabrics and steer clear of things like button-down shirts, restrictive clothing or, God forbid, zipper pants. What is the point? When I’m teaching, this seems to be no issue at all. I’ve never had a parent say a word about my attire to my principal. Nor would I expect them to. My clothes are unremarkable, not fancy, and not sloppy. Like, a cotton sweater or long-sleeve T-shirt with corduroys. It’s not a big departure from how I’ve dressed over the last five years when I’ve been working in person.

Why am I giving you a lengthy description of my clothes? Because when I’m in meetings that include this one male teacher colleague, he comments repeatedly on what I’m wearing. He’ll say, “Oh look, Tori (not my real name) broke out a different pair of pajamas today!” Or, “Nice, Tori, I see you’ve got your Friday casual look going strong about four days early.” These are some of the tamer comments. Sometimes he says some pretty shocking stuff. One time he said, “Hey Tori, if you’re going to wear pajamas to a staff meeting, at least put a bra on underneath!” For the record, I was wearing a bra, and that was humiliating, especially since he said that in front of everyone. (It got real quiet in that Zoom room.) When we’re in person, this guy is awkward, and he has bad, I mean really bad, social skills. He once asked me if I wanted to go out, and I told him I didn’t date coworkers, and he barely spoke to me again in person. But when there’s a screen between us, he seems to be emboldened and acts out, or something. . . I don’t really know. My question is: Should I ask my principal if my clothing is unprofessional? And also, can I tell this guy to f*ck off in front of my colleagues? So far, I’ve just ignored him, but it’s not working, and it’s making me want to skip every meeting that includes him.

A: I wasn’t expecting you to lead with a question about your clothing choices. In fact, I expected your first question to include the phrase “sexual harassment,” because your colleague’s comment about your bra is far more concerning to me than whether you wear pajamas to work. It’s totally out of line, particularly since you rejected his request for a date. His social awkwardness and/or wounded pride is no excuse for nastiness and commenting on your body parts.