Q: I’m a teacher, and usually I think my principal gets it right. He’s a bit of a character, the kind of guy who loves the “big gesture.” He often does really sweet things. During lockdown when we were teaching virtually, he personally dropped off “Teachers are Superheroes” T-shirts along with a personal note saying he missed us and hoped we were taking good care of ourselves. That went over really well with everyone. But more recently, he decided he wanted to do something special for students who have earned high marks all year despite the many challenges posed by the pandemic. His plan is to order honor roll yard signs and have teachers deliver them to students’ homes.

Not surprisingly, many teachers are bent out of shape over the expectation that in their limited free time, they’ll be expected to drive all over town to distribute the things. One pointed out that if anyone got into a fender bender while making the rounds, the school district wouldn’t pay for repairs. And that they certainly would not cover gas. Also, a few are worried that they’ll feel awkward showing up in a kid’s yard like a trespasser. As for me, I’m less concerned about the time commitment, cost, weirdness, or general imposition. To me, the gesture is kind of tone deaf, though I can’t quite put into words why I feel that way. Maybe it’s that we’re celebrating grades at a time when I feel like we should be lowering the achievement pressure and focusing on the process of learning more than the outcome. Can you help me better articulate my discomfort to my principal? I don’t want to rain on his parade, and I don’t want it to sound like I’m unwilling to go the extra mile for students. That’s not why I have reservations, but I worry I’ll be misunderstood.

A: Your principal sounds like a kind man who simply wants to honor his high-achieving students, but I think you’re right that he ought to think through the law of unintended consequences. You’ve already articulated a couple of them — not all teachers are going to be eager participants, and the gesture might fall flat. One could argue that educators should be finding ways right now to honor all hard-working students, and not just the ones who earn high grades. Pandemic or not, some kids can coast and still get A’s, while others — such as kids who have specific learning, mental health, or attentional challenges — can put in tremendous effort and still only earn a B- or a C. And at a time when many students are struggling to stay focused and engaged, why not celebrate everyone who is working hard? Those who qualify for honor roll will still get that designation, and they can take pride in their accomplishment with or without a yard sign.

I can think of a few other reasons to push the pause button on this idea. While the gesture may seem totally benign — and some may absolutely love it — remember that not every student lives in a house with a yard. Also, even those with yards might be reluctant — for safety reasons — to advertise that a child lives on the premises. Others might live in shared housing or an apartment complex or within a home owners association that doesn’t allow yard signs. And while caregivers can toss a sign or bring it inside, your principal might not have thought through these variables. Once he does, he might prefer to do something less complicated and more inclusive.

As for not wanting to rain on his parade, you can validate that he’s trying to do a nice thing, which is to honor students and make them feel special. Then be solution oriented and help him think through the best ways to do that. For example, if he’s dead set on celebrating honor roll students, perhaps he could send them magnets or stickers instead. If he’d like to honor all kids who are putting in tremendous effort, he could ask teachers to send them positive postcards acknowledging their strengths and how much they’ve grown over the course of a tough year. If he just likes the idea of a yard sign, period, he could choose one with a more generic message, such as, “A Proud Lenox School Lion lives here.” And if that’s where he decides to put his energy, then he could minimize teacher pushback by leaning on staff and parent volunteers.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Phyllis L. Fagell

Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.