Teacher annoyed that parents copy principal on their emails to her

Career Confidential is on vacation for the summer. This column originally ran in March 2021.

Q: I feel like someone sent a memo to parents this year saying that teachers won’t follow through unless you copy the principal. Maybe it’s a pandemic thing, or a virtual teaching thing, or maybe there’s less trust these days? Whatever it is, it’s driving me nuts. I’m responsive when parents email me. No, they don’t always get what they want, meaning I don’t change grades, and I don’t always grant extensions. But I’m fair and reasonable and reply within 24 hours, per county regulations. There is absolutely no reason to copy the principal on emails saying things like, “Can we please schedule a time to talk? I’m concerned about my child’s grades in your class.” Sometimes copying the principal makes slightly more sense — if, for instance, they want me to force the other students in my class to turn their cameras on, which isn’t our policy. But then why not just start with him instead of flooding my inbox with complaints? What do they want me to do? No matter what they say, copying the principal changes the way I interpret their email and negatively impacts how I feel about them. I feel like they’re trying to catch me making a mistake, or insinuating that I’m not reliable, or poking the principal to supervise me more closely. I wonder what he must think of me, too! It’s embarrassing and upsetting. How should I handle this, if at all? P.S. Why don’t these parents copy the principal when they’re pleased with me? That’s behavior I’d welcome!

A: The fact that this only started to happen during the pandemic, and while you’ve been teaching virtually, is significant. It could be a response to heightened stress, less trust, fewer in-person interactions, more anxiety about their kids’ well-being, and perhaps also more concern about their ability to supervise their children’s distance learning. In other words, this probably isn’t personal at all, though I can appreciate why it feels that way. I also can appreciate why you’d be concerned about your principal’s reaction. So what now?