Q: I’m a principal at an urban high school and am obsessed with retirement. I think about it constantly. I don’t think a day has gone by this year without me fantasizing about walking out the door for the last time. I’m only one year away from calling it quits, so it’s right around the corner, and I’m convinced that daydreaming about it is what’s getting me through this stressful year. I could go into all the reasons why my job is terribly stressful, but I have no desire to go there. I’d rather talk to you, or anyone else who will listen, about the fact that I get to retire soon. I do need to work in some capacity, but it will not be as a principal, and that’s what’s making me feel gleeful.
You will not be surprised to hear that I talk about retirement a lot at work, mostly with members of my administrative team, but also in conversations with faculty and staff. My concern is that I may be talking about it too much and hurting staff morale. It would be bad if everyone felt the same way I do. At the same time, I really need to find a way to scratch this itch! I recognize that I set the tone, but is it ever OK for an instructional leader to talk freely about their intense eagerness to retire?
A: Well, I suppose that if your staff wants you to retire as much as you want to retire, then you have nothing to worry about! I’m only kidding. The short answer is that it’s fine to talk about retirement, as long as you’re mindful of how you talk about it and how often you talk about it. Your staff may even appreciate your authenticity and vulnerability. But first, make sure you’re reading the room and do a little self-reflection. Are you self-absorbed or relentlessly negative? Can you switch gears and talk about other topics? Do people tend to avoid you or seem bored when you bring up the topic? Do you also express gratitude for your team and shared experiences at work? Are you joyful when things go well? Ideally, you convey your excitement about your next chapter without dominating conversations or revealing the intensity of your desire to retire. There’s a big difference between telling people you can’t wait to retire so you’ll finally have time to join a pickleball league and saying you feel crushing despair every morning when you pull into the school parking lot. It’s all in the framing.
There’s a big difference between telling people you can’t wait to retire so you’ll finally have time to join a pickleball league and saying you feel crushing despair every morning when you pull into the school parking lot.
Keep in mind that there are other ways to “scratch the itch,” too, such as seeking out opportunities to connect with recent retirees or educators who, like you, are close to retirement. You could attend relevant workshops on retirement preparedness or consult with career coaches who can help you think through your next steps. You also might enjoy (and benefit) from talking to a mental health professional. In that setting, you wouldn’t need to be sensitive to others’ needs or mindful of morale. You could use the time to identify healthy ways to cope with work stressors, which in turn might tamp down your “retirement obsession.” Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get it right all the time, though. You may be the instructional leader, but you’re also a human being.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
