Q: I’m a staff development specialist, which means I support teachers’ work and development but don’t evaluate them. I love my job and my relationships with my colleagues, but I’m often put in the uncomfortable position of knowing the principal or an assistant principal is making a wrong-headed assumption about what teachers want. I’m talking about simple but well-meaning and often easily fixable blunders. For instance, a teacher who spearheaded a new initiative recently confided that she wished the principal had publicly acknowledged her at a recent staff meeting. Meanwhile, the principal told me at the end of that meeting that he had wanted to say something but didn’t because he knew “how much she hates being in the spotlight.”
I don’t want to be the go-between all the time, but it’s frustrating to bear witness to this kind of miscommunication, especially when the resulting unhappiness is avoidable. I feel like speaking up helps everyone and can improve staff morale, and so I typically will share in these instances. But I worry that I’ll be perceived as the “messenger for the malcontents” and that my involvement could reflect negatively on me. Do you think I should continue to play this role?”
A: I think you’re wise to ask the question and tread carefully. In an ideal world, acting as the “go-between” wouldn’t be necessary because everyone would be communicating directly, honestly, and transparently with one another. In the real world, however, there are times when people need help conveying their preferences. The ongoing challenge for you will be to share your colleagues’ valid frustrations and feedback constructively, positively, non-confrontationally, and with their permission. The last thing you want is to strain your relationships with everyone — to lose teachers’ trust and be viewed as a relentless bearer of bad news. You also run the risk that you’ll inadvertently miscommunicate how others feel, even if you think you listened carefully and have clarity. Relatedly, keep in mind that if you’re hearing the same sentiment from multiple sources, there’s no need to single anyone out. Be judicious about which concerns you share, too. You should truly believe, for instance, that addressing them would benefit the organization.
In an ideal world, acting as the “go-between” wouldn’t be necessary because everyone would be communicating directly, honestly, and transparently with one another. In the real world, however, there are times when people need help conveying their preferences.
Still, the goal should be to help teachers summon the courage to speak for themselves. When a teacher confides in you, for instance, you can reassure them that you know the administrators are trying to do right by them. You can share examples of times when others spoke up and felt heard, underscoring the value and efficacy of open communication. You can help teachers prepare talking points, role-play with them, and check back later to see if they felt their concerns were addressed. You also can offer to facilitate a meeting between the parties, assuming everyone is on board. And remind teachers that they also can make incorrect assumptions and take advantage of any opportunities to clarify misunderstandings.
Beyond the risks I’ve stated here, you presumably have plenty of professional responsibilities and need to conserve your own energy. Even if your efforts are productive, it’s emotionally taxing to act as a go-between and can lead to burnout. You don’t want colleagues to be overly reliant on you or confused about your role, and you don’t want to be viewed as taking sides or causing disruption, either. To minimize potential downsides, you need to establish clear boundaries, encourage healthy and open communication, and don’t be too quick to jump into the fray.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
