Q: I’m a department chair in a high school, and in a recent conversation, my principal mentioned that he’s getting constant complaints about my “dismissive, rude, undiplomatic” way of giving feedback to teachers in my department. He told me that they report that I am “short” with them, especially the ones who are less skilled, that I “go straight for the pain points,” and that my approach isn’t the “way we do things here.” This floored me. It’s true that I am direct and honest, and I know I can be impatient if I feel that I’ve shared the same feedback multiple times, but I always try to be kind and mention what teachers are doing well. Obviously, there’s a huge disconnect between what I think I’m doing and how my words are perceived. Or, and this is complicating matters for me, the other possibility is that my principal is paving the way to get rid of me. Frankly, we often butt heads if I disagree with something he’s doing or asking us to do. I think he may assume my interactions with the teachers in my department are the exact same as they are with him, but I’m far more direct with him than I am with teachers. I do recognize the power dynamics that come with my supervisory position. Plus — and I told him this — I think his bias against me is making him focus exclusively on their complaints. What should I do?
A: You have two choices. You can decide the principal is out to get you, conclude you’re being unfairly maligned, and dismiss his feedback. Or (and this is likely to yield a much better result) you can take your principal’s comments at face value and commit to improving your interactions with colleagues and with him. In other words, you can see this as an opportunity to improve how you “manage up” and how you “manage down.”
Managing up, which the Harvard Business Review defines as “being the most effective employee you can be — creating value for your boss and your company,” requires knowing what you need to do to perform your job well, understanding your supervisor and what they need from you, and being able to disagree with your boss without being disagreeable. It sounds like your principal is frustrated because you’re resistant to feedback and your style is at odds with his efforts to build a culture of respect.
You can acknowledge the elephant in the room by telling your principal that you want to change the dynamic between the two of you even as you take steps to improve your own leadership skills. Convey to him that you very much want to meet his expectations. As for the teachers, there are many possible reasons they find you discouraging. For instance, they might see your negative feedback as evidence that you don’t believe in them. If that’s the case, reinforce that you only invest in people when you see their potential, and underscore that you want to help them do their best work and achieve their goals. Be clear that you realize your approach isn’t working for them and you want to work on yourself, as well. They may see you as “short” for any number of reasons, too, whether they think you’re stingy with your time, you’re always distracted by an electronic device or your tone is curt.
I don’t know the reasons for their complaints, but there are things you can do proactively to change their perception. For instance, you could meet with teachers regularly and individually long before they become ineffective in your eyes. During those meetings, you might discuss your expectations, articulate their strengths, talk about their desired trajectory, inquire about what’s important to them, and ask them how you can help them. Ask questions such as, “What is something I can do better? How can I be a more supportive manager and help you grow your skill set? What are the skills you’d like to improve? Once you know teachers’ priorities and objectives, you’ll be better positioned to help them. It sounds like this type of interaction doesn’t come naturally to you, and you shouldn’t take that personally. After all, you were not trained to be a manager; you were trained to be a teacher. Managing involves a different set of skills, and you might want to ask your principal for more structured mentorship or leadership coaching. If you go that route, the good news is that you’ll be modeling the same growth mindset you hope to see in the teachers.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
