Teacher struggling with how to address yet another school shooting

Q: We’ve been here before, many times. We’ve had, what, 27 school shootings in 2022 alone? Not to mention the hate-based tragedies in Buffalo and Laguna Woods…And now, here we are again. I know I’ve got to address the shooting at Robb Elementary School with my own elementary school students, just as I did the other times this has happened. But this time feels different. My students are not OK to begin with. Are any of us? I’m also done telling them that we — the adults who care about them — are doing everything to keep them safe. Because we’re not. Until we have better gun control, we’re just lying to their faces. I’m not sure if it’s the sheer magnitude of the tragedy at Robb, or the Groundhog Day aspect of yet another shooting, or the fatigue that comes with being an educator in May, or the cynicism I feel about the possibility of change, or the chronic stress of living and teaching through a pandemic, or trying to process this while hearing about devastation in Ukraine and monkeypox and endless other horrible things. I’m numb with grief, but I’m sure I’ll have spoken to my students by the time you answer this anyway. Still, I’m wondering if you would talk about this shooting with students any differently than the others, given that we’re all emotionally and physically depleted, and given where we are culturally and societally. If so, what should I have said, and what should I say and do next time, when this inevitably happens again? 

A: As a school counselor in a K-8 school, I can relate. I wrestle with some of these same questions. And you’re right. This isn’t some rare, isolated incident, and it’s hard in the wake of so many tragedies to shed cynicism and retain optimism that things can and will change. It’s also hard to comfort students when you’re numb with grief yourself. So, my first piece of advice is to process your own emotions with a friend, colleague, therapist, partner or religious figure before you engage in a dialogue with students. You want to be a calm presence, even if you have to “fake it ’til you make it.” That doesn’t mean you’re inauthentic, but it does mean you recognize that they all have different temperaments and needs.

Beyond addressing your own emotional needs, let your students know that you recognize they’re navigating a hard and uneasy time in history and their reserves may be down. As a result, some of your students might be needier than usual. Others might uncharacteristically lash out in anger, while still others will crave normalcy and prefer to avoid the topic entirely. Here are some more ways you can help your students (and yourself).