Q: Admittedly, I’m insecure, not about my teaching skills but about whether my principal thinks of me as a good teacher. Mostly this is because I don’t know her very well. This is my first year at a new school, and we just went back to the building after teaching remotely all year. She’s seen me teach online, and I think she concluded that I know what I’m doing, but I don’t think I’m as good at distance teaching as I am at in-person teaching. I want her to know that I’m an excellent teacher in “normal” situations, not just a “fine” teacher. Maybe that’s why I’m so sensitive when she stops by my classroom. To her credit, she makes the rounds often, but whenever she comes by for an informal visit, she doesn’t say a word afterward. She doesn’t even email or text me or put a note in my box. Not even a subtle thumbs-up on the way out. Just . . . nothing. I have no way of knowing if she liked what she saw, or if she thinks I’m just average, or has no opinion whatsoever, or is just checking a box. At most she’ll say, “Thanks for letting me come in.” How can I get her to share what she’s really thinking, including how I can improve? And if I can’t, then how can I stop obsessing over this? Teaching is such a huge part of my identity, and this is making me feel nervous and even more eager to prove myself. I want to be able to relax, and I think I would if she was more forthcoming.
A: While it may feel inorganic to ask for what you need, you could start by asking your principal specific questions. You might say, “Thanks so much for taking the time to come by. I’d love to know, what do you think worked or didn’t work about that lesson?” Or, “Did you notice whether any particular students were less engaged or seemed to need more differentiation?”
If your goal is to obsess less, try reframing her lack of response in a more neutral way. I shared your question with a principal who offered up a few alternative, less personal theories. When he goes into a classroom for an informal visit, he told me, “I’m not looking to nitpick. I recognize that I’m only there for ten minutes or so, and that I lack the full context. I have no way of knowing what happened right before or after my visit, and I don’t want to make any assumptions.” He added that he also tends to give less feedback to growth-minded teachers he trusts. And keep in mind that your administrator may not be there to observe you at all. As the principal I spoke to noted, “If I stop by a classroom, I may be there to observe a student. Or I may simply want to have a solid sense of what’s going on in my building. That way, when I get the inevitable parent complaint, my first words can be: ‘I’m in that room a lot, and they’re a solid teacher. We can look at the problem you’ve identified, but here’s what I’m seeing, and I can assure you that this teacher is good at their craft.’ ”
Administrators also know that everyone has different needs. They want staff members to feel seen but not scrutinized, and some teachers might not want this kind of feedback, especially if unexpected “pop ins” throw off their rhythm. In other words, some of your colleagues don’t view impromptu visits as opportunities to shine. Different teachers will prefer different forms of communication, too. While one might be satisfied with a brief text saying, “Thanks, that was great,” another might wonder why they didn’t receive a more detailed note. Which brings me back to my initial suggestion to tell her what you need. She’s not a mind reader, and I’m sure she wants you to feel valued.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
