Q: I’m a principal who oversees more than 100 teachers, all of whom are instructing remotely. We have been distance teaching since March 13, 2020, much like many other schools across the country. In that time, most of my teachers have stopped in at least a few times, whether they wanted to check their (physical) mailbox, pick up supplies, distribute books or math packets to students, teach from the school, or just say hello to all of us in the front office (while socially distanced, of course). There are a few teachers — and if you had asked me in advance, I would have predicted the teachers who would fall into this category — who have not stepped foot in the building. Not once in nine months. These are not people with health problems or who fear COVID, at least not any more than anyone else. These are people who never put forth extra effort or showed up for me or anyone else before COVID.
I can’t put my finger on why this bothers me so much, but it does. Can you help me get to the root of why I can’t get beyond this, and why I feel so peeved, and even feel a little contempt toward them? They come to the scheduled Zoom staff meetings, and they typically do the bare minimum but get their work done, and they’re online teaching their classes, and yet it still feels like they’re . . . getting away with something. Grrr. I can’t make them come in; I want them to want to come in. And I keep hoping that they will — all on their own. If I have to ask them, it will defeat the purpose and I’ll end up just as angry.
A: I read your question a few times so I could look for clues to your irritation. I spotted three right off the bat. The first is your comment that these particular teachers always do the minimum. Perhaps this feels like yet another way they’re underperforming. Which leads to the second clue. When you list the reasons people come into work, you mention that some come “just to say hello to everyone in the front office.” I wonder if it feels like a snub, as if they don’t care enough about your relationship — or respect you enough — to make the time to visit. You wouldn’t be the first educator to struggle with heightened sensitivity in the absence of in-person interactions. The third clue is your reference to all the teachers who do show up to pitch in with jobs such as materials distribution. Maybe you feel that some individuals, including you, are shouldering a disproportionate burden, and you’re resentful of the freeloaders.
The challenge here is that it’s hard to call them out. Technically, they’re not doing anything wrong. The teachers who come in presumably are doing so by choice. So, what can you do? You can make a point of saying in front of everyone that you appreciate visits and offers of help. If you regularly need volunteers to help with materials distribution, you can create a sign-up document and ask everyone (who is able) to pick a time slot. That way, the work will be distributed more evenly. If you want the missing-in-action teachers’ company, you can tell them you’d love to see them. From your note, however, I’m guessing that you don’t actually enjoy spending time with them.
What’s interesting to me is that you know these teachers are unreliable. You have no reason to believe they’ll turn over a new leaf now. And yet you continue to hope they’ll change. Your optimism is lovely, but it’s not serving you well here. It’s setting you up for anger and disappointment. Which leads to one last (and perhaps best) option: Focus on the people who do show up for you, and try not to dwell on the ones who don’t. They’re not worth it.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
