Q: I’m a principal in a large middle school in the Washington, DC, area. I try to hold staff meetings during the school day so teachers aren’t on Zoom any more than they have to be. (Before the pandemic, staff meetings were held after school.) I recognize that no one needs yet another online commitment, and that my teachers are not in good shape. Yet, as the holidays approach, I know that many won’t be near family. For COVID-related reasons, they may not be able to travel or host older relatives. I know I can’t replace their loved ones, but I want to create a sense of community in some way. We typically have a holiday party at a local pub. It’s casual and relaxed and a nice opportunity to connect outside the school building. I recognize we can’t do that this year, and I want to host a virtual event instead. Is this crazy? Is there a way to do this that’s not going to make my staff roll their eyes? Or if they do roll their eyes, to minimize how much they mock me? I’m a father and have experience with eye-rolling and can take it, but still, I wouldn’t want to have too many people calling me tone deaf if I can help it. Many, many of my teachers are young and new this year, more than is typical, and this has been a hell of a way to start their career. Maybe this is the fatherly part of me, but I want to make it obvious that I care about them and that I’m here to support them. Would you wave me off this idea? If not, any advice for doing it well?
A: First, you strike me as a very thoughtful and kind man, and I bet that’s how your teachers perceive you as well. These are extraordinary times, and it’s going to be impossible to meet everyone’s needs perfectly. Why not be transparent and share how you’re feeling, including your desire to be there for staff? I suspect they’ll relate to your helplessness and lack of certainty and appreciate that you’re trying. Everyone is muddling their way through the pandemic, some with more support than others, and you’re right that the holidays could trigger painful emotions for members of your staff.
One way to deal with the holidays is to replace old traditions with new traditions, and certainly one way to do that is by celebrating virtually. You might even be able to incorporate elements of your pub party. Maybe you host a raffle with fun prizes, or do a gift exchange using online gift cards, or incorporate games. Whatever you do, don’t make attendance mandatory, and think flexibly about what constitutes a successful party. If only three people come, for instance, you might feel like it’s a bust. Instead, try reframing it. Focus on the fact that you created community for three people who clearly craved company. You will have made a difference for them.
As you think about how you can support staff through the holidays, keep in mind that there are other ways to build and sustain a sense of community. You could host a book club, bring in a chef to lead an online cooking class, offer psychoeducation, or come together for a common cause. The most expedient way to find out what people want is to ask them. But if they say they don’t want any additional demands on their time, don’t personalize it. Everyone has their own way of navigating tough times. That said, you could be subjected to just as much eye-rolling if you chose to do nothing at all. I commend you for making an effort, and I hope you get a lot of takers.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
