Q: So, I just gave notice. I quit for a lot of reasons, but mostly because I can’t stand two of the other teachers on my team, and they’re the individuals I have to work with most closely. If COVID hadn’t happened, I might have waited until the end of the year, but life is too miserable in general right now to also keep working with nasty, hostile people. I decided to look around, and I recently got a better offer working at a nonprofit. I don’t need to be told that it was unprofessional to quit midyear. I’m aware of that, but I happen to think that life is short and that if my administration had cared more, they would have done something to help me when I asked them for support. Many times. Too late now. Anyway, my principal has grudgingly admitted she understands my decision. She’s not happy with me, obviously, and she thinks I’m putting her in a difficult position, but she gets it. She knows full well that people have mistreated me, and she knows she didn’t even try to put a stop to it. But here’s what she’s asking me to do now. She wants me to pretend I have some kind of family conflict that’s forcing me to quit, and she wants me to write an upbeat goodbye email to the entire staff expressing how much I loved working there, and how I have no other choice but to leave. In other words, she wants me to lie. I’m not comfortable doing that, but I’m also not looking for conflict, and aside from her unwillingness to put herself on the line for me, I generally have liked working for her and do wish her well. How do you think I should handle the situation?
A: I bet there’s an interesting backstory here. Why would your principal go so far as to ask you to lie? That seems a bit desperate. Perhaps her own supervisor has expressed concern about her ability to retain teachers. In any case, that’s not your issue to resolve, and you shouldn’t feel compelled to make up a story. But there’s no need to burn bridges either. You can write a farewell note that’s both honest and professional. Tell your colleagues that you’re leaving, that you valued your time at the school and that you wish them well. None of those sentiments is untrue if you appreciate what you learned from both your positive and negative experiences there. I’m sure you’ve acquired skills and knowledge you will take to your next job. Those skills, by the way, clearly include exercising agency when dealing with negative people and making peace with unmet expectations. As for your principal, aim to be reassuring. Underscore that you appreciate her concerns and don’t intend to bad-mouth the school or its employees. You can’t alter the past or your (almost) ex-colleagues’ hostile behavior toward you, but you can rise above it and write an innocuous, dignified email. I doubt you’ll ever regret meeting your principal halfway or keeping your departure polite and drama-free. The world is small, and you never know when you’ll cross paths again.
For more Career Confidential: http://bit.ly/2C1WQmw
Have a question that you’d like Career Confidential to answer? Email contactphyllisfagell@gmail.com. All names and schools will remain confidential. No identifying information will be included in the published questions and answers.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
