Q: This will come off as arrogant, probably, but hey, this is anonymous and I’m at the end of my rope. I’m a teacher, and I’m so frustrated about having to answer to a principal who doesn’t know much about teaching, but constantly tells us how to do our job anyway. He taught for less than three years more than 20 years ago, and the field has changed a lot since then, plus COVID-19 and virtual schooling have made his experience even less relevant. He hasn’t kept pace with the times and is locked into antiquated, punitive, authoritarian ideas about instruction. I’m worried I won’t be able to bite my tongue the next time he scolds or lectures me for being “soft” on kids. I’ve kept quiet for longer than I would have thought was humanly possible, but now my patience has evaporated. It’s hard enough teaching virtually, and his frequent suggestions and attempts at pep talks are driving me mad.
If I piled on the work the way he’s suggesting, parents would be livid and students would totally check out. Right now, it’s critical that they feel successful. That’s something I feel in my bones. For obvious reasons, they’re not in the best frame of mind, so this isn’t the time for over-the-top rigor or “letting them fail.” I want them to enjoy learning, not crumble under the pressure. My principal subscribes to the school of hard knocks, but to me, this is a time for warmth and connection and focusing on engagement. To him, it’s just as unforgivable now as it was before the quarantine for a kid to hand in an assignment a day late or to goof off during class. How can I tell him he has no idea how to do my job, without losing my job? If he doesn’t back off and leave me alone (and as an aside, this isn’t limited to me, many of us are at our wit’s end), I may lose it. OK, rant over. What do you think? Is this at all fixable?
A: Yes and no. Rule No. 1: You can’t change him or anyone else, but you can change how you interact with him, which might change his directives and his behavior toward you. First, recognize that you’re not at your peak. You’ve been working to reach students through new means for months at this point, and your tolerance for frustration likely is diminished. Take care of your own emotional needs before approaching your principal, whether that means getting extra sleep or talking to a supportive friend. That will decrease the odds that you’ll say something inflammatory, and you’re going to be far more likely to be able to teach your way if you don’t antagonize him.
Once you feel like you’re on an even keel, do what you can to get a window into your principal’s thought process. Ask him if it would be possible to sit down for a one-on-one Zoom discussion or phone call. This is not a conversation for email. Start with respect, curiosity and an open mind. Ask him about his overall educational philosophy. Tell him you really want to understand what he thinks works best for kids. What are some experiences that have informed his thinking? What does he see as the strengths and weaknesses of tough love? Has he ever unexpectedly found himself taking a different tact because he realized one of his students wasn’t responding well to his approach? What kind of kid typically responds best to his teaching style?
After you’ve spent some time soliciting his thoughts and listening carefully to his answers, share your own philosophy and observations about your current students. Tell him what has or hasn’t been working for you, and what you’ve learned from remote teaching. You might mention, for instance, that some kids have become less engaged because of family responsibilities, or that a student’s preexisting mental health challenges have been exacerbated by the pandemic, or that a few kids in your classes tend to check out when they feel overwhelmed or unsuccessful. You might even compare their pre- and post-pandemic productivity and performance, or share the feedback you’ve received from parents and children during this period of remote learning. Ask him if he’s OK with you continuing to experiment and adjusting your teaching style to meet kids’ current needs. You may discover that you’ve inflated how much he cares about whether you adopt his suggestions, or that he simply has been trying to be helpful. If he digs in his heels, continue to focus on what’s in your control, including the option to listen politely to his suggestions, then do what feels right to you.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
