Q: I’m a middle school math teacher and am irritated with several of my colleagues who stay well after our contracted hours to help students master concepts. They essentially tutor for free. I have several issues with this. First, parents expect me to do the same, but I would like to see my own kids, thank you very much, or at least get paid for tutoring kids after hours. Second, some of these parents think nothing of bringing their kids in late, pulling them out of school for long weekends, and otherwise disrupting their learning. If their kids had their butts in class, they’d get the information along with every other student instead of needing me to teach them on my time. Third, these same students often goof off on their phones in class or zone out or take long bathroom breaks. I’m not inclined to be generous with my free time if they’re so uninterested in learning. Last, I’m teaching in a high socioeconomic status area. These are kids who, by and large, can afford tutoring or Kumon, but their parents just don’t want to pay for it. They’re high achievers overall, and there’s this sense that they’re entitled to good grades no matter what I have to do to make that happen.
I suspect that some of my colleagues feel similarly, but don’t feel they can say no. So, the culture is that teachers are always available. I’ve asked them to consider changing their ways so we all would have an easier time establishing boundaries, but they have no backbone. Before you call me lazy, I do stay late to help these kids. I’m just totally put out by it. Plus, I probably work an extra 20-plus hours a week beyond my contracted hours, though I like to do my grading and planning outside of school. I can’t get anything done during the day because administrators are constantly taking away our planning time. What can I do to change all of this?
A: As you’ve discovered, you can’t change anyone’s behavior but your own. If you focus your energy on the stuff that’s in your control, you’ll not only get more satisfying results, but you’ll also feel less frustrated. Start by determining how much extra time you’re willing to devote to helping students and identify the specific times of day that you’d like to offer that help. Once you know your limits, communicate the specifics to students and their parents. Then, if they ask you to work with their child after hours, you could respond, “I’d be happy to. I keep office hours on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. I have more flexibility if they’d like to come in before school or during lunch.” Have a way that students (and their parents) can book time with you, perhaps by including a link to your calendar in your email signature. That way, you’ll be in control of your schedule.
You also mention your irritation with students who don’t pay attention or spend an inordinate time taking bathroom breaks. This is another area where you can exercise control. Take a fresh look at how you set expectations and enforce rules, and be honest with kids who distract others and then want extra help. If you tell them you’re reluctant to use your free time to teach them after they spent your whole class goofing off, well, that’s a pretty logical consequence.
As for parents, have you been honest with them about the factors getting in their kid’s way? You might be surprised to discover that they haven’t connected the dots between their child’s frequent absences and their comprehension issues. Or they may be unaware that their kid is on their phone when they should be listening. If you’re direct, you could partner with them to address the child’s problematic behaviors and assess whether anything else might be getting in their way, such as an attention or learning challenge.
As for your colleagues, they get to determine their boundaries. If they want to help students every afternoon from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. for free, that has no bearing on your life. You could still choose to spend that time with your own children, or use it to tutor students from other schools. So unless another teacher approaches you for help setting limits, I’d assume they’re content. Instead of worrying about them, focus on how you’d like to spend your own time.
For more Career Confidential: http://bit.ly/2C1WQmw
Have a question that you’d like Career Confidential to answer? Email contactphyllisfagell@gmail.com. All names and schools will remain confidential. No identifying information will be included in the published questions and answers.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
