Q: I’ve always loved teaching. It’s what I’ve always wanted to do, and I’ve always gone the extra mile for kids. When we had to shut down and switch to remote teaching, I bent over backward to be there for my 2nd graders. I worried about them all the time. I worried about their parents, too! Granted, I was able to be more available to them than other teachers might have been, as my own children are teens and there was no need for me to supervise their online learning. Trust me, though, by last June I was tired and badly needed rest. I don’t have the energy in my 50s that I had in my 30s, but I still looked forward to the fall and was ready to teach by the end of the summer.
Now here we are, heading into the summer months once again, but I’m in a very different place. I’m already dreading coming back this fall, and I have never felt this way before. I am worried that summer won’t provide enough restorative time for me to return feeling energized and excited to start the new school year. People often tease me for my extremely upbeat attitude — I even have to tone it down at times. I’m the opposite right now. Typically, I eagerly anticipate planning and setting up my classroom, and I’ve always loved sending postcards to my students to introduce myself and share little stories about my pets and the books I loved when I was their age. But right now, I don’t want to do any of those things. Can you tell me how to recapture the joy and zest I felt for my work until very recently? I feel so guilty that I don’t have a burning desire to return to the classroom, let alone go above and beyond for kids.
A: First, you’re not alone. I recently spoke to Suniya Luthar, professor emerita at Teachers College at Columbia University and cofounder of Authentic Connections, an organization committed to fostering resilience. Last May, her assessments found that 20% of teachers reported high levels of burnout. This spring, that number is up to 40%. She told me, “That’s where my greatest concern lies. We’ve been talking so much about the children’s needs and the lost year, but we know from the science of resilience that the well-being of children under adversity rests primarily on the adults who care for them — including parents, caregivers and teachers — and nearly half of school adults can be emotionally exhausted by their work.”
That includes you. You’ve been expending so much energy taking care of and worrying about others, and now you need nurturing yourself. This summer, reach out to people who treat you with tenderness and make you feel loved, or see a mental health therapist, or do group therapy with a trained facilitator who will help everyone in the group process the year and support one another.
Try to have self-compassion and set reasonable expectations. Like everyone else, you’re going to have to figure out how to negotiate life again after a period of tremendous disruption and emotional intensity, and it’s unrealistic to expect to feel motivated and full of unbridled joy right out of the gate. You can move the dial, however, by “acting as if.” What do I mean by that? People tend to do things because their emotions move them to take action. If they love to read, they go to the library. If they love listening to music, they go to a concert. But when you’re depleted or feel flat, you may have to work in reverse. Try to engage in the stuff that once brought you joy in the hopes that it will rekindle delight and enthusiasm. Be patient and expect a delayed reaction. For instance, you might not have the same desire to write to your students or decorate your classroom, but doing those things might elicit some of those familiar, positive emotions.
Cut yourself some slack, too. When you’re stressed out and fatigued, you don’t have the same energy or capacity for work. Remind yourself regularly: Your classroom doesn’t have to be perfect, and you don’t have to be happy all the time. Resist the urge to project into the future; you have no way of knowing how you’re going to feel three months for now. Take it one day at a time, tend to your own needs, and pace yourself because the challenge isn’t over. When your students return, they’re going to have fewer reserves and a greater need for nurturing as well, and you’ll be less available to them if you don’t spend the summer resting and seeking out your own sources of support.
For more Career Confidential: http://bit.ly/2C1WQmw
Have a question that you’d like Career Confidential to answer? Email contactphyllisfagell@gmail.com. All names and schools will remain confidential. No identifying information will be included in the published questions and answers.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
