Managing up

Q: I’ve been a high school assistant principal for two years. I’ll be completely honest; I think I could do a better job running the school than Natalie, my principal, and I want her job. She’s indecisive, too soft, and low-energy. She delegates to the point that I feel like I’m doing her job anyway. I was recently passed over for a principal position at a middle school, and I suspect I’m stuck in my A.P. role for at least another year. I need some guidance on how I can be less irritated with Natalie, hide my impatience, and stay somewhat happy while I wait for a promotion.

A: I hear a lot of comments about your principal’s weaknesses, but I don’t have a clear sense of your strengths and vulnerabilities. We all have a healthy mix of both, and you need to be aware of your growth edges if you want to be content now and successful in the future. The best leaders I’ve worked with are humble, view themselves as lifelong learners and are open to feedback. We all can learn from everyone we encounter in the workplace. If nothing else, we can learn from each other’s mistakes. You can use this waiting time to improve yourself.

It sounds like you and your principal may be able to learn from each other. Start with an unflinching self-assessment. You say you have difficulty hiding your impatience and irritation. That’s something you can work on now, before you’re in charge of an entire staff. As principal, you’ll frequently have to deal with annoying people, and your patience will be tested.  Now’s the perfect time to work on staying cool under pressure. The future payoff will be stronger conflict resolution skills and less personal stress. So try out different strategies when you feel provoked. Do whatever works, whether it’s taking a walk around the block, using a breathing app such as Calm, calling a friend, or watching silly videos on YouTube.