Q: I’m about to start my first year as a 6th-grade English teacher, and I’m really excited! Or at least, that’s what I’m trying to convince myself. I’m honestly kind of terrified. I know that teaching has changed a lot and is more stressful these days. I guess one positive is that I have no point of comparison. This will be all I know, so I won’t be disappointed. I also am so new that burnout is a nonissue.
All the experienced teachers I know (including my parents, who are retired teachers) have advised me to avoid negative people (which seems pretty straightforward) and to seek out a mentor in my building (which does not seem straightforward). I have no clue how to find a mentor. If any of my professors covered that in graduate school, I must have been out that day. My school system will assign me a mentor, but that person, by design, will work at another school, and I agree with my parents and others advising me that I personally would benefit from having a go-to person in my building. It would lower my anxiety a lot.
Here’s what’s getting in my way. I know my future colleagues already have a ton on their plate, so why would they want to take on mentoring me, along with all my questions, anxieties, and insecurities? I’m also extremely shy. I can’t imagine asking someone outright to mentor me. Do you have any advice for me? Thank you!
A: You may be shy, but you’re more resourceful than you think. After all, you not only have asked experienced teachers you know for advice, but you also submitted a question to an education columnist you don’t know. This column may preserve your anonymity, but you still had the courage to reveal your identity in the note you sent me.
Let’s work backward. Before we get into the logistics of how to find a mentor, I’d like to address your fear that teachers are too overworked and overwhelmed to help you. You may feel like a “taker,” but many teachers find it energizing, meaningful, and fulfilling to share their wisdom with less experienced educators. If they remember someone supporting them when they were a struggling new teacher, they may want to pay it forward. Plus, when experienced teachers support new teachers, they improve the school culture for everyone. Teacher mentors also deepen their own knowledge when they share best practices and advice with new educators, and they learn from you. Don’t discount your own contributions; you bring new skills, a fresh perspective and enthusiasm to the table.
As for seeking out a mentor, you don’t need to check that off your list on day one. It can take time to build your comfort level with colleagues, so be patient and pay attention to their attitudes and behavior. Some may have a clear track record of mentoring new educators and perhaps even express interest in helping you themselves. Meanwhile, others might be happy to suggest a potential match or facilitate an introduction. Ask colleagues if you can observe them in action, too. That might be less intimidating than making a more direct request at the outset. If you need help identifying potential role models, you also can try seeking advice from your department head or from an administrator.
Look for opportunities to get to know others better, whether you participate in a staff book club or planning committee, join a school-based interest or affinity group, or take a continuing education workshop with colleagues. It’s less scary to approach someone once you’ve established a relationship. At that point, you may not even have to ask them directly. When you establish connections through shared interests, that often leads organically to a mentoring relationship.
You don’t have to limit yourself to one mentor either. Different people in your building can help you with different concerns at different times. If you’re flexible, you’re also less likely to overburden any one individual. No matter who steps up to mentor you, make yourself an appealing mentee by staying positive, being a good listener, signaling that you’re receptive to their ideas and expressing gratitude. Remember, someday you’ll have the chance to do the same for someone else.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
