Q: I teach 8th-grade social studies in a public school that’s still in hybrid format. About two-thirds of my students attend class in person, and the other third are on Zoom. I’m admittedly burnt out — I’m talking stick-a-fork-in-me done. I don’t have a lot of patience right now, and it’s awful trying to teach students in the room and students on Zoom simultaneously. My administrators recognize this and have tried to be supportive. They gave us their cell numbers, which is new, and said we could text them if we needed an emergency break. I think they know our nerves are frayed and that a good number of us are on the verge of taking a mental health leave.
To be honest, my students aren’t in much better shape. They’re often rude in ways I’m not accustomed to experiencing. It’s like they’ve spent so much time at home negotiating with and arguing with their parents that they’ve forgotten we’re their teachers and they can’t behave the same way with us. They need a lot of reminders about rules and etiquette and respect. Last week, one of my Zoom students pushed me too far day after day. He kept interrupting me, questioning my authority, and asking the other students how they could focus when we were studying such irrelevant and stupid material. His classmates tried to ignore him, but he wouldn’t let up. I gave him warnings all week that if he didn’t cut it out, I’d have to kick him out of the Zoom room. He continued, and so I booted him out, just as I said I would.
Within an hour, his irate mother had called the principal and complained about how I handled the situation. She said it’s a public school and her son has a right to an education. The principal understood why I did what I did, but he also asked me to be judicious about how often I remove kids from my class. I was left feeling chastised for doing something wrong, but it has to be OK to remove a disruptive student when they can’t pull it together, right? What’s your take?
A: The short answer is yes, you can turn a student out of your Zoom class — in much the same way that you can remove a disruptive child from your physical classroom. But the longer answer is that kicking a student out should be a last resort. There are a lot of things at play here, but I’m struck by your repeated emphasis on your level of burnout. You also point out that your students are exhausted and struggling, too. Since you’re not at your peak, you may be more sensitive and more easily frustrated. Meanwhile, since your student isn’t at his peak either, he may be more tempted to push your buttons. I’m wondering why he’s provoking you in the first place. Is the behavior out of character for him? Does he feel out of control but is having trouble dialing it back? Is he looking for attention, whether positive or negative? Is he having a hard time grasping the material? Is he testing you? Does he want to upset you so that he doesn’t have to do the work? Does he feel excluded by peers and is doing this in a misguided attempt to impress them? Is something going on at home?
Ideally, you would have a conversation with him one-on-one before you got to your breaking point. You would try to figure out what’s going on, ask him how you can help, and discuss how you plan to handle his outbursts going forward, whether you mute him, suggest he take a break and return in a few minutes, come up with a way for him to signal that he’s about to lose it, or — worst case scenario — put him in the waiting room or ask him to leave class altogether.
You’ve already kicked this boy out, so now I’d circle back and have a conversation with him. Make it clear that you want him in your class, value his constructive contributions, and that you like him (flaws and all) and want to reset the relationship. Try to come to a common understanding about expectations and consequences going forward. It’s important that he feels there’s a way back to being in your good graces. You also can ask your principal to articulate where he would draw the line. For example, are there specific policies regarding students’ behavior in class — whether on Zoom or in person? You mentioned that your principal gave you his cell number for emergencies. Would he like you to text him for help if you feel like you’re about to say or do something you might regret, either because it’s unprofessional or could damage your relationship with this (or another) student? Even knowing that’s an option might lower your stress level and help you stay even-tempered. Which brings me back to your own well-being. It’s better to take a mental health day when you’re feeling frayed than to push yourself so hard you end up requiring an extended leave of absence. Let your students know you struggle at times, too. That will make it safer for them to approach you, whether they need some TLC, a break, or extra academic help. And if they can ask for help, their emotions will be less likely to leak out in class in unproductive ways.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
