The Gift of Failure: How to Step Back and Let Your Child Succeed by Jessica Lahey (HarperCollins, 2016)
I read this when it was published in 2016, and it has stuck with me. Lahey was a teacher for many years, and now she writes about education and parenting for a broad range of publications, including the Washington Post and New York Times.
The inspiration for Gift of Failure came to her when she was working in the classroom and felt frustrated because parents constantly seemed to undermine her efforts to help students develop autonomy. For instance, when children forgot to bring in their homework or sports equipment or instrument, their parents would bring it to school for them — in other words, they kept swooping in and fixing things for their kids, instead of letting them figure out how to deal with their own responsibilities and disappointments. But then Lahey had an epiphany: She realized she was making some of the same mistakes with her own children. That keeps her humble as she shares research findings and anecdotes that illustrate how we can all help kids foster their independence.
The book includes concrete tools and practical advice on everything from homework to household chores. As a school counselor, I’ve found it to be a great resource, helping to bridge the gap — and the occasional misunderstandings — between parents and teachers.
Fagell’s recent Kappan articles:
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
Phyllis L. Fagell is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
